Rough Time
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| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:07pm |
I've been reading, but I haven't posted in awhile.
I'm going thru a rough time lately. I tried to break things off w/MM by sending him an email detailing all of the things/ways he has hurt me. His response was an apology, taking responsibility for how he had acted, explaining himself, and how he wanted to make it work with me. Then he left for his one week business trip. So I now have the opportunity to have some NC time w/o the possibility of him breaking it. Of course he will be back next week & I will once again be faced w/either trying to maintain one-sided NC or giving in to him yet again. I need to acquire strength in the next few days, I just don't know how when I still care about MM & he always seems to get back into my life.
Meanwhile, things w/H have not been so great. We fight all the time, have talked about separating/divorcing, but neither of us has had the guts to actually do either yet. I just feel such overwhelming guilt of having had an EMA, and I don't know how to get past that.
I know that I'm unhappy w/how things are currently. I just don't seem capable of mustering the strength to take a real, affirmative action. I know that I'm scared of making the biggest mistake of my life, i.e. leaving my H, when he may be the one for me. How do you know when a marriage is truly over? I know that I have no real future w/MM. If I was to leave H, I would only have the option of continuing w/MM on similar terms to now, he would never leave his W for me or for anyone else.
Then to add another upsetting twist to my saga, I finally confided in a male friend of mine who had confided in me that he had cheated on his fiance with "the one who got away." He was, initially very helpful and supportive, because he had been there done that so to speak. However, yesterday, an article my MM had written was published and I showed my friend it, and he goes oh my goodness I know MM, he used to work at my old company & quit right before I started. They know the same people. He promised me he would never ever say anything to anyone about me & MM, but I am nearly physically ill thinking that maybe he will and that MM will find out I told someone about us, that his W will find out, that he will ruin my career, etc. One thing I've learned having had an EMA is that I don't trust people, myself included of course.
Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Blue
NO hand holding it is to late for that::::
What is this crap the cheating married man wants to make it work with you, make what work the affair, affairs don't work they destroy lives as this one is destroying yours and your husbands, BUT what has this serial cheater lost is his marriage falling apart ???
Naturally your husband is unhappy and your marriage is being killed what would you expect to happen if you keep cheating, by not choosing to save your marriage you are choosing to end it.
This has jack squat to do with being strong, it has everything to do with the decisions you are making to keep cheating.
Hopefully your still in counciling.
Wake up before you lose everything for a nothing serial cheater
As usual...OUCH, but thanks for the swift kick in the butt.
I am still in counseling. While I have continued email contact w/MM over the last several weeks, I have on multiple occasions said I can't meet up, so I feel that that is at least a tiny step in the positive direction. I have resolved & have kept this for 2 months now that I will not have physicial contact of any sort w/MM. So right now I am trying to work on breaking away from email contact, which I think does take strength b/c MM is addictive to me. I'm finding it difficult to work on my marriage when my H refuses to go to marriage counseling w/me & instead yells at me all the time for smoking.
Blue
Hon I am sorry to have been so hard on you, it is that I just hate to see such a young couple have there lives wrecked by that perisite.
I am sure your doing your best, keep at it don't give any ground.
You do need to go no contact with this person (I was tempted to use a more grahpic word)and enforce it not messing around.
Blue I would like to suggest that what your addicted to is NOT the Cheating married man but rather the FEELINGS you get by being exposed to him, the HIGH as we say, both emotional and bio - chemical addicitions, it is not him your addicted to at all but contact with him is a trigger only, like any addiction you have to stay away from the drug but also the people or places that encourage you to take it and for you that is XMM. TOTAL NO CONTACT IS A MUST.
You may not think so but your husband is aware of when you have contact with the XMM, it will show in your moods and such things.
I hate to suggest it but maybe you and hubby need to put a little space between you for a few days to let things cool down, prehaps a letter telling him that if he values the marriage that he has to back off on the smokes for a couple of months until you deal with the marriage first, give him the letter and leave for a few days visit mom or a friend that your husband trusts.
These are only ideas what you do is up to you.
Hang in there.
Free