Sad and Struggling and It's Over

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Sad and Struggling and It's Over
3
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 2:07pm
Hey all. I posted here for a while last summer but I wasn't ready to end the A. Last nite I did it. I know it was the right thing to do it - it must have been because it hurt an awful lot. Here's my story:

H and I were together for 16 years and newly separated the night I met OMM. I was at possibly the lowest point in my life. We got very involved very quickly and fell in love. Fast forward to 2004: I've cleaned up my life. I back to practicing my profession, I'm taking good care of my kids, and I've been in "recovery" for 17 months. Along with all the positive changes, I realized that OMM and I weren't looking for the same thing out of this A. He definitely wanted to get married. He recently instituted divorce proceedings and has been searching for an apartment for us to live in together. I've realized in working the 12-step program that I'm not ready to end my marriage and even if I was, I don't think OMM would be "the one." He's a wonderful man, gorgeous and the s** is mind-blowing. But that's where it ends. I feel like I led him on for a long time, telling him that I wanted a future with him. And there were days when I believed I did, I waited thinking some day I would wake up with great clarity about this situation and decide that I needed to end my marriage to marry OMM. It's been a while and that moment of clarity never came. I couldn't let him keep believing that this relationship was going somewhere. I think I did the right thing, but last night he was so angry and so devastated.

Do you all understand? I didn't end the A because I wanted to; I ended it because I think it was the right thing to do. I'm afraid of NC. It's not that I don't love this man dearly. It's not that he hasn't given me the moon, the stars and the sun. It's that I just can't make a commitment and I feel like its so unfair of me to hang on to him for my own selfish purposes when I know I can never be the woman he wants/needs. UGH!!!! I'm going to wind up alone when the dust settles, I know it.

Can anyone relate??? I need support, I need to keep NC. Otherwise, we're just going to dig a deeper hole. . . Thanks for listening! Maureen

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 3:14pm
I took a lot of strength to do what you did. Considering how you truly feel, you did the right thing. Good for you for being so honest. I hope it works out for you in your marriage. I am sorry for your pain. In time I am sure that you will be glad that you ended it.

~Love

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 5:16pm
Dear love: Thanks so much for your response. Trying to believe I did the "right" thing for him is the only way I'm going to get through this pain. I miss him and I know he's only a phone call away, but I can't lead him on any further. Enough is enough! Thanks so much!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:12pm
HI Mom

What you did takes a lot of real courage, stick to your guns and your life is going to move forward to better and better places.

F