A sad ending.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
A sad ending.
64
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 9:37am

I've read some posts here and there, and I never thought I would come to the place that I am at.

MoonUnit

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 11:22am

Good Morning MoonUnit,


I'm going to cut to the chase and say after reading your last post, I agree with Sunshine. Your husband was a cheater and liar. His behavior was indeed destructive. Just because he saw it as a need for sex, doesn't make it ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 12:08pm
My husband told me the reason why he had the affairs was because I wasn't giving him the same sex or affection that he was getting when we where first married. My husband right now calls me a slut and whore. I asked him to go to marriage counceling with me, and he wont. He says why do I want to go and tell some one of our problems, but she can help us. He's not willing to try. I have to give my X-AP much credit. For 6 months he went to marriage counceling to try and save his marriage. My husband says to me having sex is his only connection because right now he hates me, and sex is the only emotional connection. If I want to save the marriage I will have sex. I want this baby, it's the only part of my X-AP that I have left. I have a DR appt tomorrow to talk of termination, but not terminate yet, that would be on a different day. I made a promise to X-AP that no one would know, and I would terminate, I deleted that from the email I posted. I don't want to jepardize his life any more neither if he found out I didn't terminate this preg. It could ruin his life also. Sometimes I want to crawl away, and never resurface.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 12:22pm

Dear Moon,


Your husband is being extremely selfish, unreasonable, and even cruel in my opinion. You do not deserve this treatment. This statement:


My husband says to me having sex is his only connection because right now he hates me, and sex is the only emotional connection


is completely manipulative and plain wrong. There is nothing emotional about forceful sex. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this. But someone has to sweetie. You cheated, you had an affair, we all did. It's ok. It doesn't mean you now have to be disrespected in such a demeaning way.

Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 12:34pm
I'm sitting crying my eyes out, I don't know what to do. I'm a mess. I miss my X-AP so much, I know silly isn't it. I have not cried for almost a week, and now I can't stop. I just don't think I want to be with my husband. He's not helping me get through this. I would hope he would have been mre civil about this. I feel like my whole world is falling apart, and my work is suffering. I have to get back to work.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 12:41pm

Moon,


the way you feel is absolutely normal and to be expected.


It is in times of crisis such as these that we realize who we can count on and whom we cannot count on.


For sure you cannot count on your husband for your well being. He is killing you inside. Please accept it. You do not need this toxicity in your life, especially not right now.


your xAP, yes it is totally

Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 12:49pm

MU, please keep that T appt. tonight.


Your husband sounds like a bullish, selfish person. Why do want to live with a man like that? A marriage is a lot more than a roof over our heads and a warm body to come home to. It takes 2 involved and respectful of each other to form a partnership. You will never, ever get this from that man. Time to pack up and start your new life over.


Of course he won't go to T or counselling. He's too dang proud to admit anything is "wrong" with him and it's all your fault. Fix you and all is well with the world? Don't think so.


Your focus should be on you and you alone. And the pregnancy. Please don't see this baby as your tie to xAP. You have to want the child, not the connection you think it affords

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 1:49pm
in my last email to my X-AP, I asked him not to email or call. It's better for him, me, his wife, and his children, just for us to get on better with our lives. He's respecting that. I doubt very much that I will ever recieve an email from him again.

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 2:56pm

You can certainly say it here.


You are a kind person, Moon, and you will get what you deserve.


This mess will sort itself out.


Just look after yourself.

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 3:08pm
Your DH's resoning about A's doesn't make sense. He doesn't take any responsibility for his A's, but wants to justify his abuse of you for yours. An affair is an affair, regardless of the particulars of the situation. I was the MW with a SM and I was just as much in an A as anyone. My AP and I never had actual sex during the A, but it was still an A. There are several big issues in your situation but to focus on your DH, unless he takes responsibility for what he's done, your marriage won't get any better. His insistance that his A's were different is complete rubbish. He betrayed you every bit as much as you betrayed him, and 4 times! How does that make yours worse? The 4 single women whose lives he interfered with weren't damaged by his actions? It doesn't make any sense. Please talk to your T about how messed up his thinking is. You said you want this baby. Keep making good decisions and you will start to improve your situation. See your T, focus on your health and the health of your baby, establish boundaries with your DH. TAKE CARE OF YOU. Enough worrying about these 2 men who have taken what they wanted and disregarded your well-being. You can do this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 6:11pm
I want to thank all you guys for all your kind support. It helps out a lot. I know this sounds strange, I wish I could see my X-AP on line. Since Saturday it seems like he has fell off the planet I kinow I said I miss him, he's honoring my wishes of no emails or phone calls. I'm going to see my therapist this evening. Again thanks.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

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