A sad ending.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
A sad ending.
64
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 9:37am

I've read some posts here and there, and I never thought I would come to the place that I am at.

MoonUnit

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 1:18pm
Like I had said in my previous post, he was

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: moonunit02
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 1:22pm

Did you go to T last night?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 1:31pm
no i didn't and i wish i did.

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: moonunit02
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 1:54pm

This is all beginning to sound like a bad Jerry Springer.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 2:04pm
as far as my X-AP, when i ended the affair, i made a promise to him that i would termimnate the pregnancy. i have not yet, but i don't want to cause anymore undo stress in his life. i will tell him nothing. right now he does not need it. if the outcome is this child to be born, someday i will tell him, but not now.i can deal with this without involving him. this is by my choice not his. right now i feel like i am living a lifetime movie. i know therapy is warranted, just wish my husband would want to.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 3:57pm
It really does sound like your husband is trying to control you and now isolate you. Please talk to your therapist about the way he's treating you and things he's saying to you. Also, you are in no way to blame for him changing who he is. That's his choice to be who he wants. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do - he is who he chooses to be. DO NOT ACCEPT ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS. You have accepted the responsibility for your A, and for whatever reason your husband thinks your A absolves him from taking any responsibility for his. Rebuilding a marriage after affairs is hard work, and that's under the best of circumstances. "Hoping" he will change is not much to go on. How much punishment are you willing to take? Is the life of your child the price you are willing to pay? At some point, your maternal instinct is going to kick in and you will get serious about protecting yourself and your baby. Please let that be soon. If you are a praying person, pray for peace about your situation and the forgiveness you so obviously need (hint: it's not going to come from your husband). Peace and forgiveness are yours for the taking. Please don't let your husband abuse you any longer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 10:09pm

"as far as my X-AP, when i ended the affair, i made a promise to him that i would termimnate the pregnancy. i have not yet, but i don't want to cause anymore undo stress in his life. i will tell him nothing. "


This may sound crass but F*%K your x-AP. His feelings don't matter. Why would you want to spare him any undo stress? He doesnt seem to care about your undo stress. The reason he hasnt been on line and you haven't heard from him is because he is running away with his tail between his legs. This is a serious matter and you are torturing yourself by not getting professional help about your dilemma. I remember what it was like when I was hurting from my affair and wouldn't tell my husband. Don't put yourself through this. I do think you need to cautious of your safety because you don't know how x-ap would react if you told him you were keeping the baby or how H would react if you told him you were pregnant by another man. This needs to be handled with care. The easy way out would be to get an abortion and keep the whole thing quiet but is that what you want? Would that keep this from happening again? My other question is why are you and H still married? You both arent happy if you are having A? Is your marriage worth saving to you? I am sending prayers and positive thoughts your way...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: moonunit02
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 11:32pm

moonunit, how are you doing?


Are you close to making any decisions? Honestly, I think you need to be "getting your ducks in a row" if you know what I mean. You are at the core of this problem and every decision is very important, should be thought out and be about you and what you know is best for you. To heck with your husband and xAP. Though I must say I think xAP should know if you decide to keep the baby. But let's not worry about that right now.


moonunit, if your husband has been arrested for anger issues, does

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: moonunit02
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 11:34pm

"if the outcome is this child to be born, someday i will tell him, but not now.i can deal with this without involving him. this is by my choice not his."

Regardless of how rotten xAP is, it is his child, too. And, doesn't the child has a right to know who the father is?

"i know therapy is warranted, just wish my husband would want to."

YOU need therapy. You don't need you husband to come along. Go alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: moonunit02
Mon, 10-26-2009 - 9:34am
my x-ap does care about my feelings, and his fear is warrented. i understand his fear. i know an abortion makes the most sense and is the most painful decision. i'm trying to get a hold of my therapist to talk with her.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

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