Sad I ended my A, I want MM back!!!!
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| Fri, 03-04-2005 - 3:51pm |
Hi all!!!
Just wanted to let out some of my emotions. I ended my A on 2/21 and I have not heard from xMM. Even though I was the one who ended the A, I am sad that he still has not called me. I know that I should not be expecting a call, but if he really did care about me like he said, I would have hoped he had called by now.
The reason I left him is because I felt that I was the one always trying to make all the arrangements and I will always give MM his space and he still did not made the efforts to see me or call me like at the begining. This has been our second time breaking-up. The first time MM broke-up with me, because I lied to him about a previous A. But I did not want to tell him anything about previous A, because I did not want him to think wrongly of me. I really care for him and he did to. But then everything changed between us.
I work with him and it's very hard to see him and not be able to talk to him. I have been going through some difficult times in my M as well and my H and I almost got a D this week. But H did not want to and said for us to work things out. I called MM on Wed to ask him if he would help me look for a car and he asked me howcome I needed a car, since I already have a nice car, so I told him I was getting a D. He stayed quite and then MM said that if he knows of any he will let me know. I think I just wanted an excuse to talk to him.
I sent him an anonymous txt msg telling him I missed him and then I made the big mistake of calling him in the afternoon, but he did not picked up his phone. I feel like such a looser. I want MM back into my life, but at the same time I know I should not continue with A. Especially since my M is not doing to good.
I saw him today and we kept looking at each other. I wonder if he really cares about me and is to proud to call or contact me? Should I call him and apologize for breaking up with him and telling him to call me when he was a real man to tell me what was going on with our R? I am to proud to call him and he is too. I wonder if he wanted to end the A, but he did not have the guts to do so. And that is why he started to not care as much.
Please give me your advice. I don't know if I should call him. I don't want to be rejected.
Thanks,
CG

Hi CG, gee from your post, you sound really undecided about what you really want. On the one hand, you know its wrong, you want to work on things with H. So you broke up with MM. But still, you want your feelings validated, that he DOES care about you. I can totally understand that feeling, I've BTDT too. But if you truly want it to be over, you have to get over this and move on. Only you know whats best for you. And maybe your MM isn't talking to you because he is honouring your request, its hard to say. There could be some pride involved too, but if you really want it to be over maybe you should leave things as they are, and not contact him again.
Its just a rough ride, going back and forth with them. I think the similarities are that at first, the A is so overwhelming, there is SO much contact, talking constantly day after day, seeing each other as much as possible. But then it tapers off to a routine, and it seems like some MM (mine too) get a little more complacent and don't call as often, don't see you as often, and you feel like you are on the back burner. It makes you mad/angry/confused. Because when they say, we go running to them dont we? Rearranging our lives just to fit them in, meanwhile they couldn't be bothered if THEY are busy with stuff going on in their life.
And you really can't concentrate on home and H while in the midst of it. I am the last person who wanted NC, but I'm in it now (MM's choice). And I think it may be over now for good. But since I haven't talked to him or seen him (since mid-Jan) things have been a little smoother at home. By no means, my problems with H are far from over (he's an alcoholic). But we seem to be getting along better a little more. I am feelng a little more content at home, trying to keep busy with the kids and hobbies etc. I haven't even cried over this last breakup (we've broken up several times).
Its up to you what to do. Its really hard, but you have to make a decision. Either continue how you have with MM, or make a clean break and try harder with H.
Dusty