Hey Alice, Just wanted to give you a big (((hug))). I'm sorry you are sad today.
"Sometimes I think I enjoyed having XAP so we could just share our secret! so I actually had someone to TALK about my secret with! LOL" Yes, yes, yes! I too have thought that.
Hang in there hun. I'll be thinking about you today and sending you good vibes.
oh alice you sure do still have your sense of humor! lol..
and i could have written most of what you posted almost word for word! my h does know know of my 4 year affair with xmm, i too have kids, am 40 and am also always asking my husband the same questions as if i was 16 again!
you wrote "Sometimes I think I enjoyed having XAP so we could just share our secret! so I actually had someone to TALK about my secret with!
Oh Alice, I remember feeling this way too. The dreams of us together were so vivid. I had to give up drinking completely. It only made me sadder (considering it is a "depressant"). As you can see by my moniker, "acting-as-if", this is what I had to do to make it through those first couple of months. I acted as if I was "in love" with my H. As if I was happy, content, etc. etc. Eventually you actually begin to feel this way. It really does work. Like someone said here, your thoughts become your actions. However, if you're drinking, your thoughts will not be clear. They will be clouded with thoughts of xap. I no longer dream of him. I look forward to each day, with a smile on my face. You will get there Alice. Be strong, be happy, your kids are watching, be an example to them. We only get one shot at this parenting thing!
Thank God you have a sense of humor. Sometimes we just need to poke fun at the mess we are in. I must say that I really connected with your post. I too have been acting like a teenage girl starved for attention. Just last night I was out with H and was pointing out different women and wanted him to tell me that I was much more attractive, which he did. The problem though, we were at Wal Mart so I did tell him that the next comparaison session will be held at Macy's which will provide more of a challenge. We both laughed and got a kick out of that but I have major insecurities and need his validation. When I dont get it, thoughts of XMM creep in.
I do believe that when we get what we need from our H's and marriages, that we are in a better place. We are less likely to wander. Its such the double edge sword though. Its hard for me to want to be close with my H while Im still reeling from leaving XMM. But all of us here know where our focus should be. We should live in the here and now with our spouses, kids, work, and get our validation there.
Alice, please be careful. It scares me that the wine if what you have been reaching for. But I truly know how bad we want to numb the pain. I havent mentioned this because I havent done it recently but a few times within the last few months, I have reached for some left over Vicodin to numb the pain of leaving my world with XMM in the past. I guess Im not alone in searching for something to ease the intensity and difficulty of moving forward. You are a wonderful and insightful person Alice. Dont pile another problem (drinking) on top of the one you are finally gaining ground on.
You really are making so much progress. I can clearly see that, even if you cannot. What do I see? I see that you are thinking about things. You are acknowledging your shortcomings and acknowledging that you need to address them. Those are the very first steps, sista!! Keep digging, keep examining,
I am learning a lot reading all of your posts. I haven't had a physical A but was contemplating having one with a man who has shown quite a bit of interest in me since I started working for my company in February.
You mentioned loneliness-you hit the bullseye with that one for me! I am lonely and probably drifting into a bit of a depression.
I don't post much, so you guys don't "know" me :) I lurk FREQUENTLY... a ended 11/2/09...LC, we both have a hard time w/ conversations veering personal, but we're both getting better about not going there...it's more out of habit, I think -- we got VERY close in a relatively short time. Anyway...
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Hey Alice,
Just wanted to give you a big (((hug))). I'm sorry you are sad today.
"Sometimes I think I enjoyed having XAP so we could just share our secret! so I actually had someone to TALK about my secret with! LOL" Yes, yes, yes! I too have thought that.
Hang in there hun. I'll be thinking about you today and sending you good vibes.
oh alice you sure do still have your sense of humor! lol..
and i could have written most of what you posted almost word for word! my h does know know of my 4 year affair with xmm, i too have kids, am 40 and am also always asking my husband the same questions as if i was 16 again!
you wrote "Sometimes I think I enjoyed having XAP so we could just share our secret! so I actually had someone to TALK about my secret with!
~ life....
http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/
Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't ta
Oh Alice, I remember feeling this way too. The dreams of us together were so vivid. I had to give up drinking completely. It only made me sadder (considering it is a "depressant"). As you can see by my moniker, "acting-as-if", this is what I had to do to make it through those first couple of months. I acted as if I was "in love" with my H. As if I was happy, content, etc. etc. Eventually you actually begin to feel this way. It really does work. Like someone said here, your thoughts become your actions. However, if you're drinking, your thoughts will not be clear. They will be clouded with thoughts of xap. I no longer dream of him. I look forward to each day, with a smile on my face. You will get there Alice. Be strong, be happy, your kids are watching, be an example to them. We only get one shot at this parenting thing!
Love, AAI
Alice,
Thank God you have a sense of humor. Sometimes we just need to poke fun at the mess we are in. I must say that I really connected with your post. I too have been acting like a teenage girl starved for attention. Just last night I was out with H and was pointing out different women and wanted him to tell me that I was much more attractive, which he did. The problem though, we were at Wal Mart so I did tell him that the next comparaison session will be held at Macy's which will provide more of a challenge. We both laughed and got a kick out of that but I have major insecurities and need his validation. When I dont get it, thoughts of XMM creep in.
I do believe that when we get what we need from our H's and marriages, that we are in a better place. We are less likely to wander. Its such the double edge sword though. Its hard for me to want to be close with my H while Im still reeling from leaving XMM. But all of us here know where our focus should be. We should live in the here and now with our spouses, kids, work, and get our validation there.
Alice, please be careful. It scares me that the wine if what you have been reaching for. But I truly know how bad we want to numb the pain. I havent mentioned this because I havent done it recently but a few times within the last few months, I have reached for some left over Vicodin to numb the pain of leaving my world with XMM in the past. I guess Im not alone in searching for something to ease the intensity and difficulty of moving forward. You are a wonderful and insightful person Alice. Dont pile another problem (drinking) on top of the one you are finally gaining ground on.
Much love to you.
GMLB
(((Alice)))
You really are making so much progress. I can clearly see that, even if you cannot. What do I see? I see that you are thinking about things. You are acknowledging your shortcomings and acknowledging that you need to address them. Those are the very first steps, sista!! Keep digging, keep examining,
But I'm calling Bullsh*t on that now. As plain and simple as it is, it came as a surprise to me to
Alice-
I am learning a lot reading all of your posts. I haven't had a physical A but was contemplating having one with a man who has shown quite a bit of interest in me since I started working for my company in February.
You mentioned loneliness-you hit the bullseye with that one for me! I am lonely and probably drifting into a bit of a depression.
I don't post much, so you guys don't "know" me :) I lurk FREQUENTLY... a ended 11/2/09...LC, we both have a hard time w/ conversations veering personal, but we're both getting better about not going there...it's more out of habit, I think -- we got VERY close in a relatively short time. Anyway...
Alice...the end of an a
Alice:
It's so obvious.
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