Sadgirl
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| Thu, 11-04-2004 - 5:00pm |
You need to get the point that your nothing more then a booty call to this guy you were never anything else and you will be, there never was a friendship and I am sorry to have to disagree with you dear but your not in love with him, real love does not happen that quickly, that INSTANT CONNECTION is not about love at all it is more that he was able to push some button in you were you have a need or issue that needs to be fixed or addressed.
Now he wants to be friends ya right, what he wants is to be able to call you when he wants to use you as a penis holster and that is all he wants, friend my A$$.
Sad it's not him you want it's what you were getting from the affair, you were getting some emotional hole you YOU plugged up for short periods but it comes with a huge price and it does not last.
Your marriage is a a huge risk so I suggest that you get back to that IC and let her do her job, she knows what her job is so let her do it.
JMHO
Free

I must say your post put a HUGE smile on my face. Something I needed desperately.
Penis holster????? That's the best phrase I have read on this post.
I am really trying to get back on track. I have been through a lot, like most of us on this board.
I know I am a wreck, this whole A messed me up completely. Maybe I do have some issues in my marriage and when xMM came along, he filled up that hole in my life.
Thanks again for making me smile.
Sadgirl
i went to ic yesterday. i hated the fact the A had led me to that since i had never been to one before. i hated him for putting me in that situation but i have been devestated and ic was like my last hope.
free what you say is true. A fill a void and you fall in love with that person who gives you the attention you want or speaks to you in the way you want. however, i still working on believing what we had was not love and the hardest thing that he really was not my friend. i know that is the truth but i have not been able to accept it.
sad, my husband doesnt know about my A either. he knows i am depressed and he wants to help, but he is getting tired of not getting any love from me.
therapist like free told me yesterday that for women everyting is emotional. we have to pretend right now and show our spouse we love them and then once we get love or attention from them again we will little by little fall back in love. i know it is very hard to pretend. i have been there, but we have to try if we want to stay in our marriage.
for me om was always there. we would talk several times during the day and he gave me the attention i didnt get and dont get from dh. we became really good friends and that got carried away.
therapist says to write down the positve things about the marriage. she says its worth it to try to make it work if there are positive things about him such as he treats you good is good to the kids and takes care of the home. my dh does this but has a busy schedule.
i always shared everything with my dh and we always made time for us to go out alone. little by little that changed i guess because i had om to share my feelings with and now i have a hard time talking with dh. i rather talk to my kids or hold my kids hands than my dh.
therapst says we gave a lot of energy to our A which we need to redirect to our marriage. we need to focus on dh and not think of om. everytime we think of om we need to stop and redirect our thought.
i know this is not easy. i am not at that point yet. but i need to move on ( since he has moved on) and i need to forget about him and put what happened in the past. by redirecting our thoughts we can do this we just have to be strong.
i hope this helped you sad. i know what we are going through is VERY hard. i read in one of frees articles that we think about suicide but in reality what we want to stop is our pain not our lives. om is NOT worth that no matter how bad things got.
we have to take it as a learning experience and make right what we did wrong.
hope this helps you and me
upsidedown
In my opinion you both need to be makeing the to just TALK to your husbands as often as possible, they way to a womans heart is through her ears, so make the time to TALK about everything and anything DAILY if possible several times a day.
Free