Said our goodbyes - Need Help with NC...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Said our goodbyes - Need Help with NC...
2
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 8:08pm
OM and I got together yesterday to talk. We had a long conversation. Neither of us want our current relationships to end because of the OP. We agreed that we both needed to work on our current relationships to see if the problems that exist now are because of our A or if we would have had these relationship troubles regardless. We know we care about each other but have agreed to put each other on the back burner for now to fully focus on our current relationships. I know this is best but it is hard, I'm trying to stay strong. He did tell methat he'd like us to still talk on a friendly basis. But I said that I'm still too in love with him to just be friends (at least for now). Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to do that. We kissed goodbye and sent each other on our way to get our lives straight and figure out what we want. We agreed if it's meant to be, it will happen so we let each other go.

Now, we've had this conversation many times before and I always get weak and call. But something feels different about this time. When we kissed goodbye (normally I cry), but yesterday I felt peaceful. Maybe it's b/c I got to say goodbye in person and it was more symbolic or maybe I know this is the right thing for both of us. We want each other to be happy no matter what the future holds.

I feel sad and I do miss him but I know I cannot call. If I were to, then it would start all over. Honestly, we could have never had a more pleasant goodbye than this, so I don't want to say goodbye again.

I start counseling this week so I'm hoping that will help me. I need all of your help b/c I absolutely cannot break NC this time. This is the best thing and it feels good to leave on good terms and that it was mutual. Guys and Gals, I need your support. I cannot be weak this time. I have to stick to NC. I don't want to go through the heartache anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 12:08am
Hi pyt,

I hope for your sake you DO stay strong.

I've been down a similar path, and I am also currently trying to adhere to NC, even though I've tried no less than four times in the last year and a half to end things. Not too long ago, I thought I could handle being "just friends", but I realized just recently that that would be too hard. I guess my feelings for him are too strong still. I wonder if those feelings will ever fade. Apparently I've never given it time enough to fade.

Each time I instituted a NC rule, I would feel a bit more empowered. Like I was taking charge of my life, telling him to s&%t or get off the pot. But nothing's changed. I try to tell myself nothing WILL change. (Odds are it won't, not in my favor at any rate.) Even when some time would go by and he'd pop back into my life and I thought I could handle being the OW, but I can't. It's just too Owwwww.

Read pjayz post ('do you have any idea how it feels...') Puts things in black and white.

You are already in a relationship, so that should maybe take your mind of the OM. I am just a stupid SW who's gotten caught up with a MM.

This NC business really sucks. But you're so right. It's the best thing.

I wish you strength, peace and hope in the days to come and beyond.

Grace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:10am
I said my goodbye last week. It had been 3 1/2 years,I am an emotional wreck because I still care for him very much. He also told me we could stay as friends, We tried that before and it did not work,I think that NC is tough but it is the best thing to do. In the past I would call him or e-mail him or he would do the same. Big mistake. I am trying my hardest because I realize its for the best . We both have family's and we needed to do what was right, not to mention we almost got caught. Stay strong, I am hoping I can do the same. The longest we have ever lasted was 2 months without any contact. I hope I can get passed this.

Good Luck.... Stay Strong....