Hi there...I am as well a newbie..welcome Believe me when I say it does not matter if you understand the why's or get an explanation. If anything..it may help to put your own spin on it. My xap as well pulled away and he has been nothing more than honest with me. His explanation is that he cares for me too much to do this to me and everybody else in our lives...that hs knows how much pain it causes me..that he feels guilty not only for his family but for mine as well. I truly respect him for being open with me. And that is only why I say it doesn't matter if you get the answers you need...It almost hurts worse knowing he really does care that much about me...if that makes sense.. I only miss him that much more... I wish you much strength...as we all need as much as we can muster..
Welcome to this board green, I am so sorry you are at this place and wow, 10 years is a long, very long time.
You should be very proud of yourself and patting yourself on the back for not taking him up on the offer of going to dinner! That is a GREAT first step in showing him you are not interested in being a part of his life anymore. As time goes by and you don't repsond to him on a personal level he will definitely get the idea, he may not like it but it isn't about what they like, it is about taking care of ourselves and doing what is best for us.
I know it is hard to have unanswered questions lingering in our minds as to why they did or didn't do/say something and as easy as it is for me to say it doesn't matter, we have to move on, for us, it does matter but in time I think it will be less important until one day we wake up and finally it won't matter! I too am at that place of wishing I knew certain things just to know.....
Come here anytime you need to, take things a day at a time and know we are all here to listen and give advice.
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Hi JDV
I know the feeling.
You are welcome GP,
Yes, I completely relate to that.
Believe me when I say it does not matter if you understand the why's or get an explanation. If anything..it may help to put your own spin on it. My xap as well pulled away and he has been nothing more than honest with me. His explanation is that he cares for me too much to do this to me and everybody else in our lives...that hs knows how much pain it causes me..that he feels guilty not only for his family but for mine as well. I truly respect him for being open with me. And that is only why I say it doesn't matter if you get the answers you need...It almost hurts worse knowing he really does care that much about me...if that makes sense.. I only miss him that much more...
I wish you much strength...as we all need as much as we can muster..
Welcome to this board green, I am so sorry you are at this place and wow, 10 years is a long, very long time.
You should be very proud of yourself and patting yourself on the back for not taking him up on the offer of going to dinner! That is a GREAT first step in showing him you are not interested in being a part of his life anymore. As time goes by and you don't repsond to him on a personal level he will definitely get the idea, he may not like it but it isn't about what they like, it is about taking care of ourselves and doing what is best for us.
I know it is hard to have unanswered questions lingering in our minds as to why they did or didn't do/say something and as easy as it is for me to say it doesn't matter, we have to move on, for us, it does matter but in time I think it will be less important until one day we wake up and finally it won't matter! I too am at that place of wishing I knew certain things just to know.....
Come here anytime you need to, take things a day at a time and know we are all here to listen and give advice.
Hugs
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