Saw him drive by my window at work..
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| Tue, 03-15-2005 - 3:50pm |
just 2 minutes ago..and I didn't go outside like I used to do. Was it tempting? for a second maybe, I watched him get out of his truck (he can't see in, the windows at work are tinted).
Thing is, the past 2+ weeks I have had zero contact with him. The last contact I had was an angry email at him, and I haven't been online since for him to IM me. During the A, and back when we were trying to be just friends, I would have gone outside to say hello or, if I couldn't leave the building at the time, I'd call or text that I saw him.
The work he does sometimes puts him behind my building, but since we've broken up, he hasn't gone there, but rather a different location to do whatever he needs to do. This location is always more convenient for him, so it could have been a convenience thing, or it could have been him seeing if I'd come outside. I'm not going to speculate. The point is, I didn't go outside. Gotta love anger..it's keeping me from making the same stupid mistakes again.

good hurt
take care ,
max
Pup
Good stuff girl.
Free
Thanks max and free..
Do you know what the key part of why I kept my a$$ in my seat at work and didn't go out to say hello? I kept hearing all the women here that posted their regrets for slipping, all the "why did I do that, now I'm back at square one" and the way they beat themselves up over having given their XMM some sort of satisfaction by agreeing to see them, or talk to them. THAT REALLY, REALLY rang in my head when I was sitting here looking at his truck.
It's times like these when I realize just how helpful this board and you wonderful people have been to my recovery.
Pup
What you have discribed is the board at its best, encouraging to read.
Free
He emailed me a joke at work today, something he never did before. Maybe I wasn't being presumptious after all when I saw him drive by yesterday.
I know what he wants, and I don't care, what I'm doing is for me..it's what *I* need.
Besides, we could NEVER in a million years get back what we shared in the beginning, the hurt has overpowered the warm feelings I had for him, tenfold.
It's amazing the power you feel after being the one to decide something. Not going out to the truck for you and not texting my MM when I saw his exW car there on Sat. I wanted to text but I didn't with the help of a friend and now I feel great about it. He went by work yesterday but didn't stop in b/c my car was here but it doens't matter. Normally I would have texted something like, 'too scared to come in coward?' But I didn't and I feel like I'm better than him b/c of it. I like feeling like this rather than failing myself and texting. Hang in, be strong, we've got it in us. We like the drama too much.
LilRocket