Saw OM Yesterday - Still Feel Strong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Saw OM Yesterday - Still Feel Strong!
2
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 6:34pm
Hi Everyone! Just wanted to update about seeing OM at a barbecue yesterday.

A mutual friend of mine and OM's threw a 4th of July party/bbq yesterday and many teachers from our district were invited, including me and OM.

I brought H and OM brought his fiancee. For the most part, we were in a group setting, and it wasn't too awkward. There was a lot of "smalltalk" going on, talk about OM's wedding, vacations, the weather, etc. OM's fiancee' was actually somewhat pleasant - the several other times I've seen her she's been quite standoffish from the group. Anyway, at 2 points during the day, I ended up alone with OM, once by accident and once because he followed me inside.

The first time we were alone it just so happened that H and OM's fiancee' went to get food at the same time, hence leaving me alone with OM. He started asking me what was going on, was I "OK", what was wrong, why couldn't I talk to him. I gave vague, evasive answers, that I was "busy", that there was a lot going on, etc. I hardly thought that this bbq was the place for any kind of heart-to-heart about ending the A. Well fortunately, before he could pry any further, H and OM's fiancee came back. I had already changed the subject anyway, so we were in the middle of talking about work-related stuff, completely harmless.

About an hour later, I went inside to my friend's garage where he was keeping all of the beer/soda/beverages. No sooner did I enter the garage than OM appeared. He asked again how I was doing, I said "I already told you, I'm fine, great actually." and he responded that he was not doing too well, that he really needed to talk to me, that he was hurt that I hadn't been returning his calls. I basically said that I didn't think that this was the time/place to discuss this, got my drink and walked out, leaving him there staring at me.

The rest of the day went without incident, except that OM kept staring at me and looking at me when he thought I didn't know. Finally, we left and I said good-bye to everyone and hugged some of the people, OM said "Where's my hug?" and grabbed me to hug him. I pulled away quickly, maybe too quickly, but said good-bye and left with H.

About an hour later, I get a text message on my phone that said "Good to see you - when can we get together to talk?" Needless to say, I didn't respond. He even sent me an e-mail this morning saying that he really wanted to talk to me, that he "needed" to see me.

Well, I am proud to say that none of these antics are phasing me! I feel good, strong, and even more confident in my decision to go NC. I had a very faint pang of hurt yesterday when I first saw him with his fiancee', but that quickly disappeared.

Thank you to all who have responded to my posts and supported me through this. I couldn't have gotten to this point without all of you. And to all of you who are reading this, stay strong. Don't fall back into the trap of the A. I never thought I would have made it to this point, but now, to tell you the truth, I wouldn't have it any other way!

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 10:16pm
Circe, I think you're at a very good point in recovering from your affair. When you can handle running in to him at unavoidable occasions handle it as you did, you're doing great! The more he irritates you with continued email and text messages, the more irritated you will be. The more irritated you are, the more strength you will gain!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 10:45am
I'm so proud of you!! Good to hear you kept up your strength when faced with a difficult moment. Just don't cave in to his messages, b/c you know once you do, you'll be a slave to him again...the emotional ups and downs, the frustration, the wondering. Just turn your back and keep on walking (gee, i wish i could follow my own advice here sometimes...lol...easier said than done for me though). But you're in the more advanced stages of ending your A and I am in "limbo land" here, just coming out of my A. But your strength and courage to get where you are right now...inspires me and gives me hope. So keep it up...