Saw xap for the first time in a year

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Saw xap for the first time in a year
10
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 5:57pm

Last night started out great. H and I went to see one of my favorite recording artists in concert.

~Stargirl~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 6:09pm

Oh Stargirl-


Rarely does a post move me to actual, streaming tears, but yours just did. I can only imagine what that must have been like for you and your H. But you are right, it's not about you at this point. It about your DH. My DH has said things to me like your H did that just pierce me right through the heart. It breaks my heart to know that I hurt him. That while I am mourning the death of my A, he has to wake up everyday wondering where I am going and if I am really doing what I say I am doing. I stripped away all the trust, and even though he has forgiven me, I know the A will permeate our lives for a long time to come. Your post really illustrates that to me and just broke my heart. To think that your H felt like an idiot. Please give him a great big hug and a kiss. I am thinking of you Stargirl. You are strong and you two will make it.


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 6:30pm

Thanks Jane!


I know we're going to make it! We are stonger now than ever. It is just so painful to even THINK about

~Stargirl~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 9:21pm

Stargirl and Jane:


Stargirl, your post left me sobbing--for you and your DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 12:02am

stargirl, hugs to you sweetheart. I can only imagine all the emotions that must have been surging through your mind after seeing your xAP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 8:38am
Thanks for your words of encouragement Stargirl. My DH endured 3 DDays and is still here loving me in spite of myself. It is humbling. I hope you are having a better day. I've started mine in a funk... residual effects of being so freaking pissed off yesterday at xap, but I am looking forward to a night with the DH, snuggled on the couch and a wonderful weekend. And, the sun is out here. Love to all.
Jane
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 9:48am
Jane,
I would love to hear the story of how you and your H got to this amazing point. H sounds like a wonderful man, and YOU are a gift to all. D day is still a possibility for even those of us who are Out of the A and managed to avoid it - then there are those who are contemplating confessing. You journey might be helpful for us to know, and maybe emulate.
Best,
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 10:01am

Oh boy :) How did we get here? I will try to put some thoughts down and post them when I can. I blog about my journey a lot, so if you have some spare time :) you can pop over there. I started the blog after I ended my A, so it illustrates my journey.

To put it bluntly, DDays suck... they really do, but what I can say is that having it out in the open, having the secret "off my chest," and being able to be honest with my H about what happened and what I am going through, has been liberating and has brought us much closer.

More thoughts to come...

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 11:26pm

I was really inspired by you and your H and your response to running into xap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 10:18am

Oh-uh, Heartache! Man, I feel for you! I have not had a D-day and I'm sure as heck NOT going to confess, so I don't know first-hand what you're dealing with, but it sounds bloody awful and I am hurting for you. I sure hope that for the sake of your M, and especially for the sake of your innocent D, that you and H are in therapy. Even though you had an A, and you feel guilty and H feels angry, it's just NOT ok to have this sort of abuse going on. And to wound your D by attacking her mommy in front of her, is a boundary that H needs to respect. My parents had this dynamic in their M and it really effected me - as a child, still as an adult.... and might have contributed to my man-choices later in life. I was 18 before I could tell my Dad to put a sock in it, but by then, the damage was done.

I pray you'll put your foot down before it's too late.

All my best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 4:15pm

Hey Star!