Scared and Anxious about @work

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Scared and Anxious about @work
4
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 3:27pm

My story is in the "missing him" thread. Short story - he was separated when this started and not living at home, but at his parents. We were together 4 months then he moved back home. He always said "divorce" but now it's not gonna happen. He said that he moved back home for his kids, and not for her. (yeah, I have doubts, as I should, as to the validity of that). We work together, basically sit right across from each other. I see him every Mon-Thurs on the same shift.

Now I know that I have a place to come to for help and advice with this - I can come here :) I have read through so many things on this board, the My Affair board, and the All Sides board. I want to feel that I can get through this. Last night I was so confident about being able to get through this. I didn't even cry last night! ha! Well, today, even though he doesn't work on Sundays, I am sitting across from his desk. I am wondering about what is going to happen tomorrow. I am wondering about how we are going to interact with each other. I feel there are so many things that I can't do for fear that someone is going to start getting suspicious. I can't just start being mean to him, 1) I don't want to be mean to him b/c it just makes me feel worse, 2) everyone would think something was up since we get along so well usually. Yeah, I actually do like him as a person and don't hate him even though this has happened. I think that he is doing the right thing by going home and trying to work things out. I just wish that I hadn't been involved in this. He has apologized over and over for getting me involved at all.

He has been very good at not flirting with me or trying to pull me back in in the last couple of weeks after I told him that I could NOT be with him at all - we had an incident a couple of weeks ago. We didn't go "all the way" but pretty darn close to it and it's the first time that I ever felt really ashamed at being with him. It's the first time we ever did anything after he moved back home.

So I am worried about how I am going to be, how I am going to react to him just "being there" even if nothing happens i.e. normal work day.

I'm scared and anxious about whether I can be ok tomorrow and I don't want to cry about this anymore or be angry anymore...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 3:46pm

hey fallon,

u wont be able to do anything if u keep of thinking him , stop thinking of what he will do when u are at work, i too work with OW and i get so anxious all the time, i even called in sick a couple of days so just to avoid her

what i do now is deal with it when i get to work, i dont think about it it or her when i am not at work, or else your MM will occupy your whole time and by the time u get to work u will be stressed out already

bring something to read so when u are on your break u get out of the office and maybe go somewhere and read and eat your lunch or go shopping nearby if u can, go for a walk

u dont know it but its getting better already, u said u don cry anymore, see u are gaining yourself back

like u said, a normal work day, now u have to get used to a normal work day, maybe u can make yourself more busy, maybe ask your boss for more work

if he flirts then just walk away, i know its easier for ne to say but hard to do but think of it, after the flirting and if leads to sex, what will happen after sex, u guys go back to being not together and u will be more hurt

just my 2 cents, take care,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 4:05pm

Max: Yep, same here all last week after he ignored me on Monday even though we were the only two people here.

Well I didn't cry yesterday, but I've been pretty good at being ok when I'm at home, and I feel all confident come Monday morning, and then something happens and I just cry and cry.

The flirting typically starts through IM - we have that here at work. Then we would meet out on breaks. What I mean by him being pretty good at not flirting is that I tested myself and him by going out to see his new truck the week before last. We were actually alone outside together for two breaks that day. Neither time did we mention any of the affair nor did we attempt to touch each other or flirt with each other. I think that may be one of the reasons I am wanting him - because he's acting like he doesn't want me. Something I have to think about...the whole me still wanting him and he acting like he's over it. I know you know EXACTLY what I am talking about :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 4:20pm

maybe u can turn off your IM or take his profile out of your buddy list

i know exactly how u feel, i am tempted all the time to see OW, but now she avoids me , meaning she would only talk business, no more lunch by ourselves so what i do i i go out to my car and drive around and find a good place to park and eat lunch

she would go out with some of our co-workers at work, i dont even want to go with her, sometimes she would even go out for happy our but i dont get invited at all , it sucks but i get used to it, i think it OW way of coping, so i go home early and do some food shopping and eat well

maybe he is not acting, maybe your MM is actually moving on, time will come when u can accept that fact that he will never be with u unless he will get divorced and even then that is no guarantee that he will be with u

but u can do something about how u feel, u can move on, go out and find a single guy, get yourself and life back, try to look good and u will feel good, its what im trying to do now, it hard work

im not realy sure what will happen, even with me and OW, i hope i can control my emotions and eventually i can separate all of this from woek and i can let go of her

im sure u will in time be able to move , maybe u will find someone or someone ot there will find u, a single guy

take care,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 4:58pm

I haven't wanted to cry all day until I read this: "maybe he is not acting, maybe your MM is actually moving on"

I know that I haven't gotten to the point where I accept this yet. I want to get there so very badly. I want to get over the hurt of all of this. It just really sucks to be in love with someone who isn't in love with you back, especially when you shared so much of yourself with that person, especially when he did love you at one point.

All I feel like is sighing and "woe is me" right now :( I need to get out of my pity party, but I don't know how, or I can't get to the point where I can yet. I have seen that a lot of people are going to therapy for this, and I think that is a good idea for me. Thank goodness my insurance covers it for a minimum copay.