scared to quit

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
scared to quit
46
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 2:36pm

Ok, well, I'm looking for help, and hope.
This has taken 7 years out of my life. There is really nothing new to add to my situation, except, I am 55, he is 56, and for 4.5 years, I was lied to about his marital status. That should get alot of feedback.
I had other relationships during that time, and just chose to believe his lies. When I found out, I tried to quit, but, I was hooked.

I have never given him an ultimatum, never questioned his intentions. Then, 5 weeks ago, he decided to tell me he wanted to get a divorce, he could see spending the rest of his life with me, he saw a window of opportunity to do it, and he needed to know that I would be there when it all came about.
When I emailed him that I was happy that he had a plan and intended to go forth with it, and that I hoped I wouldn't be disappointed, he suddenly became rather elusive.

I am tired. I have plenty to be grateful for, but, I can't focus on work, I have no pleasure in getting up in the morning, and all I want to do is sleep. I'm self employed. I can't believe I am going to let this person rob me of any more of my life, and I can't believe I am on the verge of losing my business over him.

He has no children, mine are grown, married. I have done nothing but look at the computer all day. Except I called him. No answer of course. Then, when he did call, it was in hushed tones. Pitiful.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: emsee2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 8:51pm

Bodhi...
The only difference I see in my case and most others, is that we never had a cross word. We were very compatible, were always joyous to see each other, we even have the same birthday. I always made it a point to let him know that I saw other people. It wasn't until the last few months that he became verbally uncomfortable with that. Ok, so all of that is inconsequential now. This guy has been married 25 years, and although I'm not sure he has ever been with anyone as long as me, I know for a fact he is a serial adulterer.
As far as him asking me if I would reconsider "us" if he got a d in the next 6 weeks, well, that was just a way of stringing me along for 6 more weeks. He figured, I'm sure, that within those 6 weeks I would once again come to my senses where he is concerned.

WRONG
or maybe right, because I have in fact come to my senses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: emsee2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 6:13am

Emsee,


<>


It sounds to me like you have "indeed" come to your senses, honey. If you stick to NC, life will become clearer each day. We are all behind you in wanting to see you put your A in the past.


((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: emsee2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 9:40pm

ugggggggggg

miserable

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: emsee2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 9:01pm

it's the minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day wondering.
Will he show up with papers in the next 6 weeks?
It's the statement "would I reconsider if he did" which was the final stab in the heart, the final lingering words which drive me the craziest. and with that final stab, he twisted the knife several times, to make sure I bled for 6 more weeks.

nighttime with no one but the dog is difficult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: emsee2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 9:03pm

what the hell??? he was never here on a Wednesday night anyway.

note to self: get over yourself!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: emsee2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 9:12pm

right on
right on.

if he arrived at your house in 6 minutes EM2010,
you would keep that front door locked, knowing that
no way, not now, not ever,
were you going to reduce yourself to partner him.

Those days of thinking/feeling that are over.

You aren't bleeding woman, you are healing.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

Pages