scared of a weakness creeping in
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scared of a weakness creeping in
| Mon, 12-20-2010 - 5:02pm |
Day 15. I have not called him but he has left messages and said I should meet him tomorrow night at this one place we used to go -- that I owe him that. Well I thought to myself, "no not really. I don't owe you anything. I DO owe myself the chance to recover and heal. I owe myself peace and the chance at a healthy love relationship with someone available."
I am trying to be strong, and not go there tomorrow night and just find something else interesting to do.
I have been reading the healing library and it is helping me get thru today. Thank you all. The NO MORE list is POWERFUL! I identified with almost all of them. Newbies, if you haven't read these yet I highly recommend.
Transcended.us

Sunshine...don't go.
Absofugginlutely NOT.
Hugs
NO WAY! If you're scared of the weakness creaping in, then share with us the actions you are taking to protect yourself? You said you've been reading here, so share with us what you have been learning. YOU CAN'T unlearn the learning, only try and ignore or deny that the consequences or outcomes will be any different for you than for any of us. I am telling you as sure as I sit here and breathe, that NOTHING WILL BE DIFFERENT. He has nothing magical to say to you that will make a freaking difference to the ending process. NOTHING. I ONLY WISH I WOULD HAVE STOPPED MYSELF FROM BELIEVING I owed my exAP anything. That one last meeting lead to the VERY WORST two months of my life. I am serious. THE VERY VERY WORST. Why you ask? Because he then came to believe I would cave as long as he was relentless enough. Oh, and now that his wife was told by him about the affair (and didn't leave), he felt justified in keeping me around. HE BEGGED me for a couple more YEARS to try and figure it out!!! There is so much other BS he tried to pull on me - I actually had to leave a mutual contract after I went NC (for the last time) because his fishing was SO frequent - like every moment.
FINALLY - say this out loud to yourself:
One thing that you have to keep reminding yourself....If he calls you, it's not because he left his W and wants to be with you....it's not because he loves you and can't live without you....it's not because he's so hurt and so concerned about your well-being.
Sunshine, you will be undoing 15 days of gut-wrenching work, you don't want to put yourself through that again do you? Our XAPs thrived on the fact that they had that power over us, you don't want to show him that he still does do you? Remember that No Contact = No New Hurt., avoid him like the plague, i know it's hard but the repercussions of A's are harder, you can do it hun.
V888
xxxxxx
Hi Sunshine,
Stay strong...You dont owe him anything.