Seeing him tomorow - alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Seeing him tomorow - alone
11
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:03pm

Hello All,

As you may recall I am in a LC situation with my xAP.

Long story short - 2 year A, I ended it after a planned Dday he had with his W to leave her for our 'relationship' 6/7 weeks ago. Apartment shopping, then changed his mind.

He continues to push a 'relationship' (as he says to have the left over pieces that won't threaten anyone = emotional affair - no sex) - i have said numerous times NO. Now, we will see one another tomorrow - and we will have to spend time alone together. It is a complicated story - but we are co-investigators (researchers) on a project together - and this requires us to sometimes have planning sessions together. Now - it has only been 7 days NC (tomorrow) - and I am feeling scared.

So - please send me your virtual support and words of wisdom!

I want to make myself - and you all proud tomorrow!

Cheers,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:37pm

Hi TU,


Congrats. on the name change!

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 5:55pm

TU,


I have nothing to add to E1's post. It was an excellent response, filled with great ideas and suggestions. Hmmmm...well maybe there is one more thing to say. It is adamant that you do not allow him to crowd your space for one single second. Sit far enough away from him that you won't have to shout....but

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 7:40pm

Thank you Iddy and E1.

I appreciate your insight and wisdom so much. Your advise and support do not go unheard. Saying that he 'has come at me from all angles', well that's exactly what it has felt like. If he can't get at me one way - he finds another. I am a strong woman, I take responsibility and accountability for my role in this A. As I have shared before, I told my H day one when I was developing feelings for xAP. I never threw him under the bus, even when this meant I had to hold my sobbing H who was dealing with the reality that his W was in love with 2 men. Before this A I could stand proud, as a woman and a human being - I was the most honest person I knew. Truly. I love having that feeling back again. I love being able to be grumpy, not having to perform well because I feel unworthy with my H (given what he had to cope with).

Anyway - all this to say, I am committed to going forward. I may falter - but I won't live in secrecy. I also won't walk away from my career. No way - no how.

Thank you (-:

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 1:10am

You got all the bases covered TU!


I’m sorry so many regulars were away from the board today because I know the regular fighting forces would have chimed in for support and let you know we will all be there in spirit with you tomorrow!

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 8:21am

TU,
sending thoughts for strength and courage your way. i'll be thinking of you today. let us know how things went.

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 8:35am

Hi TU-


I am so so so sorry that I did not see this earlier. As E1 mentioned, I did start a new job and so I have limited access to the board during the day while I train... Ha, E1, your

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 10:46am

E1 - I love your humor! I sure could have used some of kmgs and luvins stuff night before last.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 2:04pm

Bwahahahahahahaha!
E1kanobi, you are too too!

peed my pants a little on that one, but it was worth it.

xox
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 2:10pm

Hey, TU -
I'm late to the party but I gots nuthin' anyway. Just love and support. I'm sending you vibes, big time vibes, riiiiiight now.
Are you in the meeting right now? it's 11:07 pst. Can you feel your butt getting warm? That's me... with the vibes. I'm sending vibes to your xAP, too. Does he look green and queasy? He doesn't want to puke in front of you, but he feels like it; my voodoo is no hoodoo, I tell you what!

Please update and let us know how beautifully you did today.

xo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 12:10am

TU, Jane, NS and Dee,


Glad I could give you a chuckle!

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

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