Seeing my therapist next week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Seeing my therapist next week.
7
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 6:39pm
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Edited 4/29/2010 12:51 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 7:31pm

Warm Welcome back HR ...

So you messed up - again. Yup, I have BTDT. And we learn each time don't we? I have decided that I relinquish myself to the struggle of believing there can be a different outcome to the same situation - there was and never will be a different outcome. It sounds like you are finally ready too to accept the finality of your situation.

I was avoiding therapy too when I was slipping. Thought I could handle it, and I didn't want to be held accountable when she would say 'Come on - how are you expecting this will end this time - how is this different?'. I got sick of hearing myself try and justify my actions. Now - I am back in therapy full force. And I feel the difference. I can hear the difference.

So - let's go. Time to move on with life.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 9:38pm

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This is wonderful news Rose!


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So here I am. Admitting that I am powerless, and my life has become unmanageable.>>


Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 8:18am

HR,


With each and every step back, we can resolve ourselves to take 2 more forward. I have found that with every time XMM and I had any contact, it helped me to see how damaging it was, it helped me to really ask myself "Why am I still allowing this to happen".


We try so hard to just walk away. We get stronger and find that we are in a better place and then we may kid ourselves into thinking that we can handle a little contact, that we are strong enough now. Its like going back to the scene of the crime, it brings back the pain but it may also propel us forward. It takes us those 2 steps forward because we see how damaging any interaction is.


Hang in there Hazel, its a daily struggle but you have us here to carry you when you need the help.


GMLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 8:35am

Hi Hazel-


I was just getting ready to send out my "where's Hazel" thread and here you are. I am sorry to hear that you fell to temptation once again. 9 days is certainly too fresh to face him and expect to remain strong... but I suspect you knew that in your heart when you accepted the invitation to hang out with them. Today is Day 91 for me and there's no way I think I am strong enough to face him. This healing takes time- lots and lots of time. I hope that you are ready to do the hard work now. Going to therapy will be a huge help. Remember, you absolutely will not start moving forward until you are ready to be honest. Capitalize on this opportunity with your therapist to get it all out there- be completely honest, otherwise it's a waste of your time.


I know you can do this Hazel. Many months ago when we were starting on this ending journey together, your posts resonated with wisdom and insight. Go back and read those. Garner strength from yourself, because it's there. Only you can do this- we can be here to support you- and you know that. You also know that no matter what, this A will never turn out to be anything other than what it was- a relationship built upon lies and deceit. No matter how many times you go back, it will not change the outcome... so you can either prolong your pain by continuing to subject yourself to it, or you can escape and get on the road to recovery. The choice is yours.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 1:25pm

EEK- SO Hazel has deleted all of her posts from yesterday and today... Hazel, you ok?


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 2:54pm

Ik,r??

Hazel, honey. Please check in!

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 3:25pm

Hazel,


We love you much and we are concerned that you deleted your post.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3