Seeing them does no good

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Seeing them does no good
1
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 5:22pm
I thought when I ran into my xmm I would be like hey what's up and act like nothing but instead I acted like he was not there. He said hey ya'll what's up and shook my husband hand and they talked for a second and I stood there and looked away. We are all suppose to be friends. It hurt like hell to see him and not say anything. When we ran into them again he asked if we were going to the slide and I said that he needs to go get his pregnant wife something to eat. I was just talking to her about eating. If anyone knows my story - they are not happy about #4 coming. She was on the pill and the antibiotics cancelled them out. I told her they would be happy and she said they are not there yet. He knows we are trying to have another baby so he did beat me on that one. I proceeded to tell wife that i was two weeks late and to wish us luck. She did, of course. The moral of the story is I felt worse after I saw him bc I didn't get the response that I wanted. I didn't try to talk to him and he didn't try to talk to me. What is up with that. Don't think seeing them and wondering if they are eating they hearts out will work. I dont' think it does. I know the one thing that my xmm was obsessive about and would not stop talking about was the way I look and so maybe do you think when he saw me that he had any flashbacks of any kind
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 5:39pm
hi there Merehud--

i want to comment specifically about your last sentence:

<<>>

What he is thinking or doing or saying is not relevant to your recovery from the A. I can attest to the fact that seeing XMM is hard--it brings back memories that are painful to deal with. Many of us don't get the "closure" we want -- what they are feeling, did they love us, etc. But we need to focus on what WE are thinking and feeling and address that and only that. It's OK to allow yourself a short time to brood (10 minutes MAX) but then move on. Use your time to think about ways that your life is better without the worry, hassle, guilt, etc. etc. of being in the A. Isn't life simpler without all that?

So please take a few minutes to finish worrying about what he is thinking (even though you can't change it or affect it) and then turn your thoughts to more productive and happy things. Every day this will get easier, and you will be so glad you did!

Take care,

Meg