Seen him at the bar

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Seen him at the bar
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 9:37am
I ran into my OM last night and we have not talked since we did the he walked past me we made eye contact and I said hey and so did he then I asked he what was wrong and why he was always trying to avoid me now...he said he was'nt...and he told me that last weekend when to told me never to call again his girl was there and he was really drunk that he did'nt mean it...he told me to call him today..its like he knows he can keep me on a string...should I call him?...he left the bar and I called on his cell about 10 min later and we kind of talked he said it was kind of wierd me being married and I said yeah but its fun being sneaky...he agreed....I told him that it would not hurt my feeling if he wanted to just not talk to me anymore but he just said I know....I was so happy so finally see him again but now I dont know what to do...does he like me or is he just leading me on...please help
Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 10:07am
First and foremost, you are on the wrong board if you want encouragement to continue to cheat on your H. You need to visit the My Affair board if you want that. But first let me warn you and ask you a few questions. Why are you married? Why are you married and going to bars without your DH?

Your problems here are with YOU, not this OM. And not one person here is going to advise you to continue as you are. How old are you? I ask because your post seems as if you are extremely young. Do you think it is okay to be a bar fly and be married at the same time? You need to look within yourself and see what is missing in your marriage and deal with that. Going to a bar and looking to get with a single man is not your right anymore. But you already know that, don't you? This is a very dark road you are walking so if you care about yourself at all, go home to your H and figure out what you want to do with that relationship BEFORE getting involved with an available man. No, hell no, don't call him. Why would you want to give any man that much control over you? You need to get your life right and you are certainly welcome to stay here and post on this board if that is what you want to do. But if you are looking for encouragement to continue with this affair which is going to cause you pain like you've never known before, you'll have to find that support on the My Affair board. But let me warn you of something first. Even if you do go there, you'll eventually wind up here on the ENDING MY AFFAIR board. I suggest you give that some thought before you take one more step.

Good luck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 11:49am

I'm going to be blunt. You are MARRIED. You have made it clear to this man that you are available for sex with him, and he knows that when he gets horny enough, he can turn to you. He doesn't even have to have a relationship or buy you dinner because you are MARRIED. What do YOU think he feels for you or thinks about you???? When someone is drunk their inhibitions are lowered and they sometimes say what they REALLY mean... think about that when he says he still wants to hear from you, versus telling you to get lost when he was drunk.

YES he is stringing you along. He can get easy sex from you, so he isn't going to turn that down so quickly, right? You asked if he likes you - he likes that he can use you for sex.

Is it fun being sneaky? You REALLY think that??? Or you are just excited by the entire situation... because being sneaky isn't fun, IMHO. Sneaking involves lies, deceit, betrayal of your H and your vows taken before God... is that FUN???? I have been "sneaky" - almost anyone in an affair has been sneaky at some point... and it SUCKS.

If you can read the posts here, from all these women (and men) in so much pain, and it doesn't affect you, then maybe you should be posting on the "My Affair" board. Most of us were there posting or lurking at one time too... but EVERYONE eventually will end up suffering through the end of their affair. Do you want to lose your marriage, your dignity, your self-respect, your ability to be happy? Is that worth it to sneak with some guy who has NO respect for you?

Just know that if you continue the affair, you will always be welcome here when you do figure it out and it comes crashing down around you...

Good luck, and I'm sorry if I come across harshly... I just type what I know...