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|Sun, 08-12-2012 - 12:35pm|
I still have yet to figure out the answers to the hard questions - how I could let myself have an A, why I had it, etc, but one thing I have ruled out is that it did not have to do with low self-esteem. From things i've read and conversations i've heard from people who have never had an A, I think a common belief is that people who engage in A's have very low self-esteem, and I guess i'm wondering what people's opinions are on this?
For me personally, though I think i've always had a pretty healthy self-esteem, I think my self-esteem was actually the healthiest it has ever been when I started my A (I had lost 35 pounds in the year and a half prior, was exercising regularly, felt good about my body and my health, at a good place with my job, etc). So, I do think there's a possibility that my A could have been related to self-esteem, but b/c it was high (and maybe I was feeling more confident than normally am and was more willing to engage in risky behaviors? Still figuring this all out ;-) Of course, since my A has ended,(especially after having a D-day) I'm battling with self-esteem issues for the first time in my life - how I could have done this, hurt so many people, the aftermath of how things were left with me and xAP, etc.