Self-esteem in the Toilet
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| Fri, 01-14-2005 - 6:06pm |
Hi all - it's been awhile since my last post. H & I haven't been doing well at all. The holidays were good, even great at time, but once they were over and normal life sunk in again, things have just gone down hill. We barely speak to each other, other than to say how bad things are between us. He still refuses to go to marriage counseling, says he deals w/stuff his own way. I still go to IC, but I'm not making any progress b/c nothing changes. Fortunately, I have been strong enough not to seek "comfort" in xMM arms (that's about the only smart thing I've done). I am so depressed (I'm on Lexapro) and lonely. I have taken to going out with my friends & getting drunk every weekend (H has other plans) and I end up making an ass out of myself (guys see it & become vultures - in fact I had a very scary incident last weekend where a guy tried to assault me, but fortunately a nice guy stepped in). I'm almost up to a pack of cigs a day and I feel like crap. My therapist says I'm basically trying to destroy myself, which I admittedly am. But I would never commit suicide or anything like that b/c it's not for me & I'd never want to hurt my family/friends. I feel very down on myself. I basically think I'm a lying cheating dirty wh**e. I cry all the time & cannot wait for each day to end so that I can go to sleep - the only time when I am at peace. I just want the old, sweet, loyal, good me back, but I feel so far from that and I can't find my way.
Thanks for listening,
Blue

Blue
" I just want the old, sweet, loyal, good me back, but I feel so far from that and I can't find my way."
Honey you are that Sweet Loyal Good person you have you back what you don't have back is the relationship were that person used to live.
Please stop drinking, theres more then one way to kill yourself and take it from me Alcohol is one of them.
Next time you may not be so blessed as to have someone to save you from a preditor.
Please find something productive to do with your weekends Volunteer at a homeless shelter or food kitchen anything were you get to help others.
Keep going to T please.
Free
Blueeye,
<>>
You have replaced one escape for another. The lonliness, depression and alienation you feel are all symptomatic of
The holidays were good, even great at time, but once they were over and normal life sunk in again, things have just gone down hill.
You know, every day can't be Christmas and every marriage isn't an affair.