Self pity, anger, and more
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Self pity, anger, and more
| Wed, 09-22-2010 - 5:32pm |
I haven't really posted my story here and don't want to go into too many details, but will give the short
| Wed, 09-22-2010 - 5:32pm |
I haven't really posted my story here and don't want to go into too many details, but will give the short
I think we had the same AP. We "ended" it about 50 times, all via text message because meeting in person was too painful.
Our affair ran its course in the way you described. He was always so busy with work, trying to drum up more consulting gigs, etc. and pulling back both with time and emotional investment. I tried to end it multiple times over those things alone, which he always promised would change. Things went rapidly downhill when he started unloading on me about the big arguments that were happening between him and his W (who I know, who is a friend) and me beginning to draw conclusions about what was happening within our relationship from the info I got from both him and his W, which he denied, and which made him beyond furious.
Anyway, it's over now, I'm in pain every day, still longing for the good old days, but hopefully things will get better soon...right?
I would like to officially welcome you to Endings, djtjd, and thanks for sharing your story. It's not always easy to open up to strangers on a message board, but I think in cases like this, the anonymity helps to cushion our pain. We can pour our hearts out and know we won't be criticized or judged because we all have BTDT.
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I think this is probably the most common reason why an A ends, but then of course there is always D-Day
~Iddy~
Hi DJ
I am so very sorry you are hurting so much. I have already said this to smoted, but we three seem to have had very similar affairs that led to us ending it, only because the A had become so poor compared to how it was.
My xAP also started to pull back due to guilt and being busy and stressed. I know he cared for me, but it was an affair. As Iddy said in another post- its a relationship that was doomed to end from the very beginning.
Like you, my head is spinning at how quickly my exAP seemed to accept it. Its like he wanted it to end but didnt want to do it himself. I sent him a huge emotional email after we met, he sent a 4 line response. He has just shrugged and said 'oh well so sad, we had fun'. WHAT. we were in love! We were soulmates! We wnt away on trips together- you name it!
I was - am- shattered!
On top of all this, he fished on Tuesday to see if I wnated to be FWB if we cant be lovers. Easy going, casual, no more lunches etc, just hook up when we are both in the mood, maybe a coffee and ph call here and there. UGH. Im disgusted to say
I am going to memorize this:
"All we can do DJ is be GRATEFUL that this ended now, and the only people hurting are us. The alternatives where our H's were crushed, children devestated, whole families and social groups destroyed- is absolutely worse than this!...We will get through and show these men that they lost something that they will always miss.Being out of the A, sad and missing him temporarily, is much better being in it and obsessing about why he isnt calling/texting/catching up like you used to"
Such excellent advice, and a timely reminder.
DJ- hang in there. I am a total newbie but here are ((hugs)) from me and lots of love to help you to be strong.