Semi-New Here amd this one is long

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Semi-New Here amd this one is long
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 11:38pm
Hi all, I've just been lurking around today but I've posted here before. It's been awhile maybe a couple of months or so. Anyway, here is my story & I need your support. I've been in an EMA for 9 months now (geez it's been that long), and like all of you I've had the on again/off again drama, of course at his conveience. We always get together when it's "fits" into his schedule - you all know the drill. Point is, I'm about to move 500 miles away from my OM. Things were "On" until my house sold, I resigned my position at work (by the way we work together), and my move date is rapidly approaching. My stbxH is out of town this week on business and I emailed OM to let him know. He hasn't responed or hasn't made any effort to see if we can get together this week. What confuses the daylights out of me is that all he ever talks about is when stbxh goes out of town, we're going to spend some heavy amounts of times together. Now here's his opportunity and nothing. I've been wanting to end my EMA for sometime now, but I still have that fantasy drilled in my head of that one last time together before I go. Have any of you had this situation before? What happened? How did you get through it all without going insane? I know I'll be OK once I leave, but I hold onto that final goodbye BS. Am I nuts?

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 7:38am

First, I think it's great that you will be leaving - you are right that things will be much easier to be OVER once you live far from him and don't work with him...

During my A, I tried, like you, to end it more than once, and I did want so much that "one last time." One time we ended it, I didn't get that... and it was making me nuts in a way... so I went back to him again. And I told him "this is it, ONE time, and then we are not going to be more than friends"... And we did that.

But the thing is - even though, somehow, I've stuck to the part of not being with him physically anymore, it did NOT give me any sense of closure to have done it... if anything maybe it made it harder. Although it also made me so depressed to have done that, that in some ways it pushed me to finally end it for good. You are leaving town - that's all the closure you need. That and maybe the way he's NOT available for you when you thought this was your great opportunity (btdt with my XMM, by the way - he had a week's vacation and didn't even plan to TELL me about it)...

I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do... but if you think you NEED one more time for closure, I can only say that I don't think you'll get it. If it's over, it's over... start fresh and GOOD LUCK TO YOU - you have the entire world at your feet now!