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| Wed, 08-25-2010 - 5:44pm |
I know I need to take my own advice about not worrying about something that might not even happen, but I'm feeling anxiety about tomorrow. I have a golf outing for charity that XAP and I have both played in for years. It was postponed from about a month ago because of rain and now it's tomorrow. I'm counting on him playing in the afternoon - that's when he always has, so I changed my foursome to the morning tee time so there wouldn't be a chance that we would end up starting on the same hole - God forbid. There is a chance our paths could cross when we finish and the afternoon golfers begin. I'll be wearing my baseball hat and dark sunglasses so I can "hide". It's not that I'm wanting to go up and strike up a conversation with him - that won't happen. I'm just sick to my stomach because this will be the first time I could actually see him (other than stalking me in the car). Wish me strength to not lose my breakfast if I do. :) Thanks!
Bodhi

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Dee -
Ha! No worries - I'm only 5'1" :)
Bodhi
Thanks Iddy :)
I know it will be OK. I know my stomach will lurch if I see him, but it will sure be better than feeling like a loser, sneaking glances, etc. like previous years!
I love your "trouble" statement - I have to remember that one.
(((hugs)))
Bodhi
bodhi, you are so tough and you can totally do this. i remember reading on another thread that you had re-read some of your own old posts in order to gauge your progress. remember how far you've come, and consider this an excellent way to show yourself that you can handle it.
you cant hide out in a cave in your house, avoiding xAP forever and ever until you die. you need to live your life, and that means kicking a$$ on the green tomorrow. i was giong to say court, but i realized golf happens on um..a field? i'm not a golfer , of course :)
but in seriousness--listen, if you see him, you will feel weird, you will feel nervous, you'll probably have a hard time avoiding eye contact. but there is NO crime in feeling things. just go there to do what you need to do, and make a plan for yourself for when you leave the tourney. like, going to get a facial, or going to meet a friend, or going to do some graverobbing--whatever. just something so you dont go home and agonize over it/him. you will get through the next 24 hrs. and keep us posted!
xoxo
exi
Exi makes a really good point... once you have reached the 19th and sunk a few bevvies, ( not too many mind you)....
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
Enjoy your day Bohdi! You are strong, you are fierce - you are not the same woman he knew before. You are not the same woman you were before. I remember the first time I saw my xAP after I ended things ... I felt a wave of relief, and even a little giddy. I was finally able to see him as the pathetic, cake-eater that he was. I walked smiling back to my car. There may have been a wave or two of sadness, but overall, I was just so happy to not be in an affair with him any longer.
So - kick some golf-ball a$$ and trust the rest of the day to unfold as the Universe intends.
My best,
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Good Luck Bodhi!!
I have been on vacation and busy getting two of four kids off to college so haven't been on EAS for awhile.
How did the outing go? I have NOT seen xMM in almost three months and dread the day I do, not really dread, but just don't want to see him and have the heart strings stir anything up. Out of sight is so out of mind for me.
I think less and less of xMM all the time and hope I can continue that way.
Hope all is well with you!!!
MovingON
MovingON
Hello Bodhi -
I wish you the very best of luck and I pray you don't run into him, but if you do....you might be freaking out on the inside but on the outside (to him) you will be cool, calm and having it together.
I would be scared too but I know how strong you are and you will be just fine!!
HUGS!!!!!
Bodhi,
I am amazed at your strength this far in your ending.
Thank you everyone for your posts. As I expected, XAP played in the afternoon. I had a nice time with my gal pals, even though we didn't play the best! I did see him as I was walking out - I had my sunglasses on, and didn't even turn my head. He was about 20 ft. away putting his clubs on his cart. I know he stared me down the whole time. My legs were weak and I felt like I would never get to my car. But I did and off I went. No incident. Had some backlash of feelings this afternoon, feeling a little "foggy" but it's getting better. I don't know what I would do without EAS and all of you :)
Thanks again -
Bodhi
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