Sent his wife a letter!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sent his wife a letter!
2
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 7:08pm

Here's a note from "Dear Prudence" that I found interesting.


Dear Prudence,
I received a letter informing me that my husband was having an affair. The letter was unsigned and offered no proof. The letter did not mention a specific woman by name but described someone who is involved in our life in a business matter and whose husband plays with my husband on a sports team. At times I have been uncomfortable with the interest she would show in my husband, but I am confident that he never encouraged or returned the interest. When I showed him the letter, he also felt it was describing this woman but assured me that he had never at any time been unfaithful—with her or any other woman. I completely believe him. He is a very family-oriented man who loves and respects me. For other reasons, the timing is very good right now for my husband to quit the activities that currently involve her and her husband, so he is going to do just that. Our question is whether we should let her know that we received this letter. We have no idea who sent it, but it could be her husband, out of jealousy, or perhaps she sent it herself in an effort to sabotage our marriage. We feel she needs to be told that she's been accused of this and perhaps should change her behavior. What is your advice in this matter?


—Secure in My Marriage, and Looking To Do the Right Thing


Dear Sec,
Prudie's inner Miss Marple says the husband did not do it; the wife did. There are head cases like this who write anonymous letters in the hope of making trouble and putting themselves in the middle of a drama. Do not mention the letter to anyone. The inference from your silence (as well as your husband's) will be that the issue was a non-starter and was dismissed by you, out of hand. (The woman would not change her behavior, by the way, simply because you suggest she do so. This kind of nuttiness is "suggestion-proof.")


—Prudie, confidently

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 8:19pm
Maybe it is just my recent experience, but I would have to question whether there is some truth to the letter, no matter who sent it. I just know that had my xMM's wife ever received a letter like that then he would have told her all of the same things and she probably would have reacted the same way and believed him. I still question how a 5 year A went unnoticed by her and why he is not getting out of our place of work as fast as he can. Instead, he frequents parties with co-workers, many of whom know about our A now. I did not know that they that knew, until recently. I always suspected that everyone had an idea; some things you just can't hide. However, he was always so confident that nobody knew. I just have to wonder if this woman is in the same position and just has no clue.

Lostit

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 2:23am
Well, for me, I'd rather not know myself. If he was willing to end it, put it behind him and learn from the mistake, I'd rather believe my husband's cover-up lies than be told that yes he was in an affair and have my whole world and values turned upside down. It may not be the best thing to live in a cloud of ignorance, but it's less painful. When my husband told me about his affair, I wanted him to tell me it was all a joke, and I would have gladly accepted it as such because the truth was too unbearable.