Serious trouble!!! Need feedback ASAP!
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Serious trouble!!! Need feedback ASAP!
| Sun, 10-24-2004 - 3:28pm |
I decided to take a pregnancy test today, because my period is 1 week late. Although I didn't think I was pregnant since my period is ALWAYS late, but for some reason I decided to take a pregnancy test today and......I am pregnant! Now what? I have terminated 1 pregnancy before because we weren't in the financial situation to keep the baby. However, this time I don't know if my husband would want me to terminate the pregnancy. The only thing though, it's definitely NOT his baby!!!!!! Even if I were to keep it, I couldn't. My husband is white, MM is black.
Now I am in serious trouble!!!!! I think this is my wake up call. To all the ladies going through an A, please stop now!!!!!!!!!!! This can definitely destroy everything. How could I let myself get into this??????? Not using protection!!!! This is how big of an effect these OM's have in our lives that we just stop thinking straight!?
One question to you all! Should I tell MM that I am pregnant? I want to, because let him feel the pain I am going through in my heart. I doubt he will even offer to help me in any way.

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You posted elsewhere today that you are going to go in for an abortion. I presume you mean sometime tihis week.
So do so. It's your body and your decision regardless of whatever personal values anyone here on the board has pro or con to your situation.
As for xMM, my advice is to not say one word to him about your pregnancy or abortion. Doing so only opens a major can of worms best left unopened.
Your affair is over. You said so yourself.
Time to suck it up, walk away alone, deal with what you need to deal with and move on.
From all your posts it seems clear to me you've learned your lesson big-time from dabbling in affairs as a solution to your problems and won't be pursuing that avenue any longer for solace or relief.
Sad to read where you're at right now, however, you WILL overcome this as you choose your path.....
Good luck,
cl-nre
IMHO you should tell MM. Its his baby, he has a right to know...
Frankly, you should probably come clean w/your H, even if you decide to have an abortion. Hididng an abortion AND an A might be too much for one person to bear.
I suggest you seek some therapy ASAP and/or talk to friends, family, clergy, whoever you are comfortable with...this is a difficult decision and advice and counsel could be invaluable.
Take care, and try not to panic (easier said than done).
I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time. My advice is do what your heart tells you and be strong whatever the decision you take. It seems you do not have a win win situation in your hands. I wish you ou so much luck in your decision. Mistakes can be redeemed but please learn from this one as it sounds like it has been a very painful one for you.
Take Care...
Ladybug
First of all, your story should be a lesson to everyone on this board about how dangerous it can be to continue an A. I am so sorry that you are going through this. All I have to offer you is my support -- I wish I could give you more :-)
JMHO...Get the abortion and don't tell the XMM. Your situation seems to be a wake-up call to make the clean break once and for all, get some counseling and get back on the road to becoming the person you were before the A. We are here anytime you want to vent, complain, cry, etc. etc.
Whether you tell your H about the abortion is your call -- some on this board advocate coming completely clean about their A to their DS, but since I have not done that, I cannot advocate it for another person. Perhaps you can talk about that question with your counselor?
I agree with Ladybug--make your decision and stick with it and don't look back. It may not seem to you that you are strong enough to do that, but you are :-)
My thoughts are with you...
Meg
How do you know it is not your husbands were you two not having sex, protection fails sometimes.
I suggest that you do not tell XMM and make sure he remains XMM from now on.
Your the one that is going to have to live with the aborton so that is up to you.
Did your husband preassure you into the first abordon, is your affair and possibly your pregnency revenge at some level.
counseling is a must I think regardless of how you have to justify it to help deal with the pain from both abortons and the affair.
Good luck
Free
If you choose to keep the baby, you may have to accept the fact your marriage is over. If you choose to have an abortion, then you don't owe anyone anything. Not your xMM. Not your DH. It sounds like the high possibility that the baby would be xMM anyway and in a case that like he has no say in the matter. He's not your Husband. He's just some guy who used you for sex. That alone means he doesn't owe you anything, unless of course you want him to pay for the abortion or some of it.
I appreciate all your feedback. I know it takes 2 to tango and I am as much to blame for all this as xMM. However, when I first started the A, I wanted to use protection and we did the first time, then MM pressured me into not to. It's like he had so much power over me, I just lost my head.
To some of you who had questions for me:
1. The only reason I want to tell xMM, because he should know. He is out there, moving on with his life and possibly will soon seduce another woman into having another A. He should know what he has done, so this might give him a wake up call, or at least have a guilt as to what consequences an A can do.
2. I didn't want xMM to pay for the procedure, because I don't think he would offer to help me anyway (that would be the right thing to do though). However, my husband was there for me 100%.
3. It's definitely NOT H's baby!!!!! Yes, we do have sex, but we use the withdrawal method. Plus, I keep a journal as to when I had sex with H and with xMM and that particular week I was only with xMM. xMM came inside of me, so I am 100% it's his.
4. This was NO revenge on H's. He never pressured me into the first abortion either. He supports my decision because it's my body. The A was not revenge on him either. I still don't know why I did it though!? My H is a good man and he didn't deserve this.
I had H with me today at the clinic. I told him I was pregnant yesterday and he thinks it's his baby. Although I know it's not and that's why I decided to terminate it.
This sure was a lesson for me and I hope others learn from it as well. This isn't a game anymore!!!!
I don't know what to say, except that you have obviously made your decision.
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