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|Sat, 08-04-2012 - 9:01pm|
After 7 weeks of NC, he fished. I leaped at the bait. It was just a brief phone conversation, hi how are you doing, etc., but it was enough to send me emotionally reeling and back to missing him terribly. (Actually, now I see that while I felt like I was making little progress during those 7 weeks, my feelings HAD been fading away. It took this to see that things had been getting better.)
Anyway, my mind was back in obsessive mode and two days later I sent an email to his work address, asking him to contact me. I had no idea what I would say if he did. How much I missed him? That I hoped we could still talk once in a while? The 'final' goodbye? Pound sand for taking so long to reply to my email?
That was a week ago and he has not contacted me. I feel rejected. I feel like I want to throw the line back AGAIN to see if he will bite.
Interestingly, I have been in counseling for the past month...mainly to work out this whole A thing. So, on the one hand I am learning a whole lot about myself, the whys and hows, making tiny steps forward; and on the other hand I regress back to neanderthal responses.
I would just like to ask for your support right now. I feel sad and I miss the fairy-tale image I have of xap. I feel ugly.