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| Sat, 11-21-2009 - 8:25am |
I'm having trouble finding any helpful advice online about recovering my sex life with my H.
Sex with my (still) handsome the past several years has been perfunctory at best, and almost nonexistent for the last two years. I thought my libido was dormant - until I met my xAP. Then I discovered I still have the libido of an oversexed 16 year old boy, but it's _selective_ as all get out! Towards my xAP?... thought the roof. Towards my H? Well, I'm pretty much completely turned off by the idea. My unfulfilled sex drive is keeping obsessing about xAP - dangerous! I've gotten better about distracting myself from the uninvited thoughts during the day, but (arg) the dreams at night are killing me.
How do I redirect my energies in the proper way - especially when my H continues to fumble along at meeting my emotional needs and flubbing attempts to court me (like forgetting today that we had a lunch date), even though I told him that that is exactly what he needs to do if he ever wants the goods? And it's not like he's beating down the door to get at me, either. I don't have to turn him down re: sex - in fact, it's the opposite... If there is going to sex in this house, I'm going to have to be the one to initiate it. I have no desire, and I dread that even if I fake it, I'll end up unfairly comparing him to A-sex. This is the price I have to pay for straying but I really want my M to work and having a decent sex life is necessary for that to happen.
help.

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At least I no longer feel obligated to my xAP. During the A, I actually felt like sex with my H was _cheating_ on my xAP because I told him my H and I were not having sex - which was true, but, um How f'd up is that!!!?
I can relate to both of you.
I had no desire to have sex with my H when we were together (before I met ex-MM).
Edited 11/28/2009 9:33 am ET by gonebabygone
Removed.
Edited 11/30/2009 3:25 pm ET by kristinintexas
Dee,
You are not alone on this. My H and I have had some AMAZING sex since the A ended. It is better than it ever has been. I can't explain why but WOW! Sorry to kinda brag on this but it seems like we have had so many conversations that are really open and honest about what we do and do not like in bed and what we would and would not do in bed. Of course just the topic gets it going. I can say our sex life went into overdrive after the A. Sorry not much help on this one at all. Of course, I had a very strong sex drive before the A as well and honestly sex is way better with my H.
Take care
Hope
hey ladies. I have just read your posts and i can honestly so i know exactly how each everyone of you feel. To cut a long story short me and XAP are finished 10 months now and i am back with H 8 months. Me and XAP broke up really badly he started dating my co worker immediatly and we all still work side by side every day and me and XAP dont even breath a single word to each part from work talk...in fact i think he hates me for some reason...nightmare situation.
Anyway back to me and H. We had problems for years before A happened we hadn't had s*x for months before the A started and we didn't until 5 months after the A was over
Edited 11/28/2009 9:33 am ET by gonebabygone
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