Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Sex
12
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 1:20pm
I read an old post that stated to focus on the negative things about OM/OW.I know that's probably the smartest thing to do when you're trying to heal and move on.I know for me,all i can do right now is remember the most "wonderful" things about him.Don't get me wrong,he was kind,gentle and had the sweetest attitude toward me.But,he also had his faults,sometimes more than i could deal with.

Like all the nights he went "out" with one of his 20 yr old female "friends" and some of her buddies...the same "friends" he hung out with all the time.The nights he didn't show up online when we'd both said we'd be here to talk.He has a ton of female friends and constantly hangs with them.Was in fact "sex buddies" with his dearest one when we met!!He had many,many bad habits and faults i had to deal with and that we fought about alot,but all i can focus on right now is the wonderful times we were together,not the many many times he hurt me.

And i'm also haunted by the sex.I'm almost ashamed to even say that,but it's the honest truth.Out of the hundred's of times we were intimate,i had 2,count them TWO orgasms.But,i still loved and craved making love to him and he turned me on like no man ever has.Why is that?What should that tell me??And FYI,the orgasms i DID have were by my own hand.I'm sorry to be so graphic,but i am no head Doctor and i would like to know what drew me to him sexually.It was like and addiction i still can't break free of.Anyone have any comments on that and is there anyone else this has been the case with?God bless!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: solost27
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 5:19pm
Ok well I can't say too much about this and don't even want to think about sex with XMM. I think in actaulity that is all we had amazing and I do mean amazing sex. Physically he was nothing I was attracted to. After the menatl connection I was sexually attracted to him and it was wonderful. I could never get enough and before I hated sex with anyone else. Now it makes me sick to think someone else is having that amazing sex with him.

I have to go puke now.

Cali~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
In reply to: solost27
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 6:38pm
I totally agree with you two. The sex with OM was so amazing, unlike anything I could have ever even imagined and I think very addictive. It's been almost 5 weeks now and I still think about and crave it every day. Even though at the same time I am very angry with him. Well like you said I don't want to think about it but I do and now he is doing it with someone else.

I really don't know why it was so great, I thought it was because we were in love...silly me.

care
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
In reply to: solost27
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 6:44pm
I cannot believe I am going to say this, but, as far as sex is concerned, it was never better than with mm. He was impotent too and needed viagra. Yet, I never had a man pay so much attention to my needs. I am envious of the next person who will enjoy that with him. What I am not envious of and will not miss are the wild mood swings attributed to his diabetes and other health concerns that caused the impotence to begin with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
In reply to: solost27
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 8:09pm
Solost27, I share the same sentiments... i didn't have actual intercourse with my xOM, but we went pretty far, and the only time I had orgasms was through phone sex. Another time he tried to bring me to heaven with his hand, and I must confess I faked it just to get it over with because what he was doing didn't get me very high! I think what attracted me to him was how good he made me feel, even though the sexual part was so-so. It was the magic words that came out his mouth, and his way of making me feel like I was gorgeous that I loved. Maybe that was the addiction for you too - the emotional high we got by knowing that these men found us desirable. I think we have to work on our self-esteem here - we can't rely on other men to affirm our desirability, because that self-affirmation has to come from ourselves first.
Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: solost27
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 8:23pm
girl, you just made me want to puke too cause those were my sentiments exactly.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
In reply to: solost27
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:13am
So Lost

Yes, I can directly relate to what you have posted about the sex.

My OMM was a sex crazed, addictive personality. But, when I was with him, I felt like the most important thing in the world. He was attentive to my needs and the sex was glorious.. well - I *think* it was ...since I now doubt my own ability to *see* what my soul felt and knew all along - he was a liar, a cheat, a self centered egomaniac, and a player. He knew just how to play me so even if I did not orgasm, I would walk away thinking I was floating on a cloud. ....There must have been so many women floating around on the clouds that it amazes me we did not all bump into each other and fall off the clouds. I try to push away the thoughts that what I thought was so special between the two of us... well - he's doing it with someone else...

Pass the puke bag - it's my turn.

F4L

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
In reply to: solost27
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:44am
well now that we are all puking...! I have to say that having sex with my H is very, very difficult. It wasn't great before and now it's almost unbearable. Do any of you have this problem?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
In reply to: solost27
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 12:58pm
Hi Careful!!

For me,yes,the sex with H now is hard..very hard(no pun intended),but it's really emotionally.When I married him my H didn't know the first thing about pleasing a woman,and i say that without ANY reservations.He was the typical "playboy" and only cared about getting his.Well,over the years he became the best lover any woman could ask for.He knows a womans body now and knows exactly what to do to please her and satisfy her in every way.BUT,after my affair it has been hard to let go and be with him sexually and enjoy it.Don't get me wrong,he pleases me everytime,but emotionally i suffer everytime he touches me because i still see OM's face and the sex WE had.Even though that a$$hole never brought me to orgasms ONCE..go figure.It's so damn messed up and ridiculous i could puke!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
In reply to: solost27
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 5:14pm
I think my problem must be emotional too. And physical. It was better in both ways with my XOM. I have no desires for my H, emotionally or physically. But I do it out of obligation. It doesn't last long. With OM it lasted for hours. sigh. Thanks for the reply. This has been a bad day for me. 5 weeks today of NC. I still check my email everyday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
In reply to: solost27
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 6:20pm
Cali, Girl!!

I know what you are talking about. Sex with my OM was great. It was funny with him I could let go of all my inhibitions and try new things. We would do it anytime or anywhere. I guess that is one of my reasons for not wanting to end it. I know I keep saying it was over, but it's not yet. I just saw him a few days ago and we were intimate once again. The thing is, I loved being with my H. I'm not sure what drove me to the OM. Sex with my husband is more loving. But when my OM doesn't call or gets moody, then I reaize, sex is not all there is in a relationship. If a person cares about you, he doesn't mean to hurt you, he doesn't "forget to call" and he doesn't play games. At first having sex again with my H was difficult. I kept picturing my OM and what he did. So I stepped up to my H. I told him what I like to have done to me and surprisingly he was very supportive. He was into trying out new ways of pleasuring me. Sure, I still see the OM and today he upset me once again, so who knows where that is going, at least today anyway. Anyway, sorry to keep going. I guess my point is, most of us had a sexual connection with our H when we got married. I'm trying to find that again....if u don't enjoy it, talk to your H. I was a little nervous too and it worked out fine. Now all I have to do is find the same courage I had with him and use it to end my A with the OM.

Arcy

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