she ended it, im so depress :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
she ended it, im so depress :(
53
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:02am

hi everyone,

i been in so many boards( affair, affair supprt) and now my personal life has gone full circle, last nite OW called me to end our affair

she never gave me the exact reason but she told me she wants to let me go so i can move on with my life, she also told me she is giving the father of her daughter another chance

they live together in the same house, i work with her, im so devastated and depress, i called in sick from work today, i dont want to see her, i feel like i lost everything in my life

she is all i have, im so alone and lonely, my life is a mess, i dont know what to do anymore

pls help, i want the pain to go away, i need to let go of her, my heart still lings for her but i know it cant be, i dont know if she is telling me the truth about her reasons but i wont realy know, worst is i work with her , its already hard seeing her there at work but now that she ended it im realy not well anymore

Free, r u there ?, i cant do it anymore, im so tired of living my life

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 8:40am
I have to work with mine too so I do know how hard it is to see them every day and know you can't be with them or even talk to them or approach them. It makes you miserable, I know. All we can do is try and be the strongest we can. We are all here for you. Just take it one day at a time and it will start to get easier.
Yes, it is her choice, although I don't quite understand her reasons either. They aren't even M and it sounds like they aren't going to get M. Sometimes the only thing we can do is love them enough to let them go.
Sorry you have to go thru this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 10:38am

hi unhappy,

thanks, i was able to sleep a bit last nite, im on the west coast, im getting ready for work and im very anxious, i dont want to go to work but i have no choice at all, i need to work to live

im not sure i want to go to work at all

i hate what she is doing to me, i dont want to feel like this anymore and i dont want to be like this, she is controling my life and i am letting her do it to me

maybe i will call in sick today still

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 10:47am

Max,

I know EXACTLY how you feel, I'm going through something similar. However, I don't work with him so my heart goes out to you.

Please, for the sake of your health, be strong. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to do it for yourself. This is your life and it has to go on. Go into work, the last thing you need is to lose your job among all this as well.

I have been finding it hard to come into work too and I don't even have to see him so I can't imagine your pain. Just think positive thoughts, focus on your work load as much as you can while your there. Keep writing to us here and we'll help you through your day.

I hate to sound cliche, but I'm telling myself the following....if it were REALLY meant to be, then it would. Maybe Mr./Mrs. right is still out there for us. Just take it a day at a time.

Please, don't get mad at me for the cliche's but I'm searching for ANYTHING that can help me get through my pain right about now too!

Lots of prayers and hugs to you!!!

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 12:07pm

hi doves,

thanks for your support, i decided to sty home again, i dont realy feel good and i dont want to go to work and acting not 100% or at least looking like nothing happened, no one at work knows about me and her so at least it is good that way but hard coz i have no one to talk to

i dont feel like eating at all and i am not able to sleep too, my heart and my head is in so much pain, i have this big headache and its there all the time, its very paralyzing , i cant seem to do anything

yesterday i stayed home all day too, i feel so helpless and hopeless, why do we feel like this, i feel so sad and angry at her at the same time, i dont know if i deserve this or not but only time will tell

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 5:53pm

time is so slow, i called her and sent her email, i needed to talk to her , i never felt so low in my entire life

i sent her email and beg her to call me, i never beg before, what has happened to me, i have given my whole life for her and now it seems like she has thrown it away life my emotions dont matter at all

she ignores every attempt by me to communicate to her

what should i do now ??, pls help

:(

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 6:26pm

hi max,
i no that your in a lot of pain right now, i went though this myself about 3 years ago, i worked with someone we had an affair, fell in love with him, then he told me he was going back to his wife, i was in shock!! i couldn't sleep, eat etc. and the worst thing was having to see him at work, well he would seem so calm like nothing ever happended between us, i just couldn't take it any more i had to distant myself from him so i found another job. it took a while to get over the pain, i would think of him ever day, but evently the pain does subside and you will get over it and find someone eles!!! i would say just leave her alone, give her some time to miss you, maybe as time goes on she will contact you again, maybe by then you will have moved on and won't want her. just my advice but i wouldn't keep calling her or whatever because you can't make someone stay with you, that dosen't want to. i no its hard believe me i went though it myself, but you need to go back to work, go out with friends etc, try to keep busy.

good luck candy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 7:38pm

Hi Max,
Yes I agree with Candy, you can't sit home alone and wallow in self pity. it will just make yourself feel even worse. You need to go back to work. The first day is the hardest. Once you do it, it will get better. I've had to do it many times. I know how you feel. Just try and go about your day, the distraction will be good for you. You need to be around people. Alot of times I found myself sitting at home alone crying my eyes out and that never made me feel better. Only worse. I started going out when I felt like crying, to be around people to distract me and help me feel better.

To use Dove's words, if it is meant to be, it will happen. Maybe time apart will help you to move on and you won't want to get back together. Or maybe time apart will help her to see that she wants to really be with you. Either way, you need to stop trying to contact her, that will only push her away further. Let her come to you.

Don't hide away at home, go to work tomorrow and face the day. Each day will get better and you will feel stronger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 8:30pm

hi candy,

i just got back from buying food, i have not ate properly since sunday, i felt like i lost weight too

i wont call her anymore, she wont answer me anyways, i want to get mad but i cannot, i wish i am mad at her, why cant i be mad, i cant sleep also

she seem to be handling this better than me, i dont know, she told me she will find another job and move so either one of us will move, i hope you are right that she would miss me and contact me but part of me also dont want her to do that unless she makes up her mind to be with me, she has been sitting on the fence for about 15 months already, its how long we had this affair

thanks, it seems like the hours are so slow, i want to sleep but i could not, im so wide awake and my mind is spinning so fast thinking of her and what i would do to win her back or something

this is totally crazy, i want to end the affair but half of me dont want it too, i know she cannot commit to me right now but why do i keep holding on

thanks again,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 8:36pm

hi unhappy_sad,

yes, i will go to work tomorrow and suck it up and deal with it, ill try to concentrate at work no matter what

i been crying all afternoon, i have never cried before for another person in a relationship, i am not ashame to say that she is the first woman to make me cry, other my mother but i never met my mom anyways, sad is i have no immediate family at all, just adopted relatives, im an orphan since birth and i dont know who my genetic parents

anyways, ill be ok, ill try to cook dinner, i went out and bought some food that i like to eat

i wont call her anymore, yes , u gals are right, if she realy wants to be with me she will come to me, if not then i have to move on

thanks for all your help, i realy need to talk to someone, to hear another voice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 8:52pm
hi max,
i,m glad that your trying to get out, at least going grocery shopping is a start. like i said i no what you are going through, i had days where i couldn't sleep, was very depressed for awhile. i think what helped me most was getting out being with people, talking to friends etc. i would think about him all the time, hoping he would call, but never did. i think no matter what you try and do is someone has made up their mind, nothing is going to change it! their is notting you can do but move on, it wasn't meant to be, if it is, she will call, but you need to give someone time. go back to work, talk to friends, what ever it is that you like to do, you need to keep busy, the more i stayed home and thought about the worse i got!! go to these boards read didn't stories, you will see their is alot of people out their with same or similar problems.

good luck i,m here if you need me candy