she ended it, im so depress :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
she ended it, im so depress :(
53
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:02am

hi everyone,

i been in so many boards( affair, affair supprt) and now my personal life has gone full circle, last nite OW called me to end our affair

she never gave me the exact reason but she told me she wants to let me go so i can move on with my life, she also told me she is giving the father of her daughter another chance

they live together in the same house, i work with her, im so devastated and depress, i called in sick from work today, i dont want to see her, i feel like i lost everything in my life

she is all i have, im so alone and lonely, my life is a mess, i dont know what to do anymore

pls help, i want the pain to go away, i need to let go of her, my heart still lings for her but i know it cant be, i dont know if she is telling me the truth about her reasons but i wont realy know, worst is i work with her , its already hard seeing her there at work but now that she ended it im realy not well anymore

Free, r u there ?, i cant do it anymore, im so tired of living my life

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 10:36am

i am unable to sleep, i too some tylenol pm but was not able to sleep well, maybe about 3 hrs, this is crazy

am i crazy, why cant i just shut this off, i still miss her so much, im dying inside and i dont know how to live anymore

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:47am

Max,

I know this is hurting you more than anything. You have to try to focus on your life and get through this. Go to the gym, pick up a new hobby, call your friends/family. Go out, read anything to keep yourself busy. You also should begin seeing a therapist, it's been helping me quite a bit.

I feel for you and I hope you find the strength to get through this.

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 1:27pm

hi doves , all

im at work, i feel numb, we did talk for about 10 minutes and i asked her and she said she has to do it for her daughter, she wants to stay and wants to let her daughter have a father, she said she made a choice and thats it, it hard for her also and she asked me to stop calling her and sending her email coz its only gonna make it hard

she said she wont be friends with me either, it hurts so much but i have to respect her decision, i have no more choice, i have a big headache and i feel like my heart is going to jump off my chest

i can hear her talking to some other co-workers and she is laughing and giggling, i hate it, it driving me nuts

i dont know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 2:27pm

max, you need to let go. Some of your behavior is bordering on stalking. She doesn't want you in her life, and you have to accept it. That means respecting her decision.

I don't mean to be harsh or insensitive, because believe me, I do know the feeling of trying to let go of someone who means that much to you, but it sounds like this relationship meant way more to you than it did her. By continuing to pursue her like you are, you are driving her even further away, and driving yourself nuts in the meantime.

Let go and move forward with your life. If she someday realizes she wants to continue a relationship with you, let her come to you. You really need to keep what dignity you have left at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:23pm

I agree with hurt, Max you have to stop. We are not being insensitive at all because as hurt said, we too have been there. Your life will and has to go on. Don't do this to yourself. Find other avenues to take your mind off this relationship and you will see that it will get easier each and every day.

If it's meant to be, she will come, but don't sit there stewing. There is nothing you can do at this point that will bring her back, so you need to move on. She will get further and further away if you keep insisting this way. You will cause more damage to yourself if you continue this behavior and for what?

Please for your own sake, pick yourself up and meet/talk with friends and family to get your mind off of her.

I wish you much luck!!

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:22pm

Max-

I also agree with doves and hurt. You are definately bordering on stalking. You have to control the urge to contact her. She could get a restraining order out against you. How much more uncomfortable do you want your life to become? She could get you fired...if you don't quit. Please...please...please...stop contacting her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:35pm

hi everyone,

yes i will stop contact with her, i know i sound so wierd but u are all right, i went out with some co-workers to get coffee so i can take my mind of her

i need to get myself back, i dont know why im acting like this, im 39 yrs old and i am acting like a kid

i need to stop contacting her, i dont want to cause a scene at work at all, i need my job still, actually i am looking for another job, i will concentrate on that

other than that, i am at a loss, i dont know what to do, i dont feel anything right now, its like im numb and i dont care what i will do, this is not good

anyways, i will adhere to her decision and follow all your suggestions of no contact

thanks, ill keep u all posted

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:42pm

doves,

yes i will do it, i dont want to put more distance between her and me, i will leave her alone , no more casual talking or emails or text messages or phone calls

i will concentrate in looking for another job and move away from her, i know it hurts so much but i have no choice anymore, i dont want to feel pain, i hope in time it will all go away and i can feel better again

she seems so casual about it when talked to her the last time, she was nice to me and just told me in a very calm voice that its over, its all i want to hear from her, she said she did it for her daughter and she has no choice but to choose to make her daughter happy whether or not she will be happy or not is not my concern anymore according to her, she said she made her choice and i should just move on, she said it will be hard but in time it will be better according to her, i did not say anything to her anymore, i said goodbye to her and shaked her hands , like a handshake and i left her office

i guess its truly over

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 6:30am

Max:
You need to have some kind of change to concentrate on. I would suggest you get a resume together and look for another job. Think about it.
a) you will be forced (because of instinct to survive and pay bills) to work on the new job.
b) you will automatically concentrate harder because its new and it will be by its own nature distracting.
c) it won't be healthy for you to be where she is. You are obviously more emotionally invested in that relationship than she is and EVERY nuance (her giggling with others, interacting with others etc..just her voice or the sight of her will make you nuts. Its very hard ...very very hard..to realize someone isn't as emotionally invested as you are and in my opinion...it only causes even more pain...I found that to be the hardest part of my whole relationship and i didn't even have to work with them...just everyday reminders because of demographic proximity!)
d) no one....no one person...is worth losing your life over. People struggle everyday to live. Don't even go in your mind to "that" place of feeling your LIFE is over. The path you take just may lead you to the reason you are no longer together. There is a woman out there who needs your devotion and emotional investment. I don't think you should try and find someone NOW...but just know...when you are ready....not to deprive someone out there who in the future....just might need MAX, want MAX, and love MAX.

While you are grieving please try to control your impulses. Notice when they are not serving you or making you feel even more humiliated. Answer those feelings with positive forward-thinking-actions. Men are more comfortable with pro-active situations. So I offer to you advice to look for a new job/career situation. I think it is how you might heal in a more positive way. I am sorry your heart is broken. It happens to the best of us. At least we know we can feel deeply. Some people never know that level of feeling for someone else. This is what keeps me going. I am glad at least I am human rather than always optioning up like some do. Love from afar with no contact if you must reconcile this within yourself. Honor your ability to love and know its true by not humiliating yourself further and by not "bothering" her. But also love yourself enough to know when enough is enough.
wisdom, strength, and clarity to you,
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:41pm

hi lizzie,

thanks

i am trying to do what you all suggested, last nite i sent outmy resume to some friends, i am looking for a new place to work, today i came to work, her office is about 15 ft from mine and i can hear her talking and laughing with some our our friends/co-workers, i did not let it affect me anymore

i find that posting in this board is helping so forgive all my rants/ramblings, i actually met her in the hallway and she said good morning to me but i did not reply anymore, im not sure if it was the right reaction or not but i did not feel like reating anymore

yes you are right, her proximity is driving me nuts, i did stop calling her already, no more text, so far this is what i have accomplised

maybe u are right in your other post, that she ended the affair, maybe if was better for her to do it, she tried to end the affair a couple of times before but she would kept on coming back to me, and i accept her back, so this time i made up my mind that if she would come back that i will not let her anymore

she has caused me more pain than happiness actually, now that i think of it, ever since we had our affair, if was more pain than joy, i dont know why i kept on going, i knew my chances with her being with me are very slim but i still kept on, i feel in love with her, more that i thought i could, i opened up myself to her fully and now i am paying the price, the worst thing is there were no indications that we are having some issues, she just suddenly told me that its over, i am very confused and its hard for me to accept her choice

i am notlooking for someone to replace her, i think i want to be alone for sometime, im not sure how will i do it but i want to be happy

thanks for your kind words and advice,

max

i just wanna get thru one day at a time