she ended it, im so depress :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
she ended it, im so depress :(
53
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:02am

hi everyone,

i been in so many boards( affair, affair supprt) and now my personal life has gone full circle, last nite OW called me to end our affair

she never gave me the exact reason but she told me she wants to let me go so i can move on with my life, she also told me she is giving the father of her daughter another chance

they live together in the same house, i work with her, im so devastated and depress, i called in sick from work today, i dont want to see her, i feel like i lost everything in my life

she is all i have, im so alone and lonely, my life is a mess, i dont know what to do anymore

pls help, i want the pain to go away, i need to let go of her, my heart still lings for her but i know it cant be, i dont know if she is telling me the truth about her reasons but i wont realy know, worst is i work with her , its already hard seeing her there at work but now that she ended it im realy not well anymore

Free, r u there ?, i cant do it anymore, im so tired of living my life

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:43am

hi everyone,

i would like to say my thanks to everyone for their words/advice/insights and suggestions, i am still hurting but i am doing what u all have suggested, small steps

i have not called her anymore, no more text and no more emails

i found it useful for me to cry but i am tired of crying, i just wokr up from about 5 hrs of sleep which is the most i got in the last 6 days, for some reason the moment i woke up she is all i can think, i hate it, i hate it that she is the first thought that came into my mind, the good thing is i did not cry anymore this morning, im a bit scared that i did not cry, i used to cry all the time when i think of her, i dont know how to explain it or say it but she is always in my mind

i got rid of all her pictures in my computer, also i hid all her pics in my house , i out them all in a box and hid them away

this weekend will be hard but the work week will be even harder but i am not going to let her make me feel bad anymore, the truth is i know what to do but its the doing it is what i am not able to do

anyways, thanks everyone,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 11:40am

I just started reading this thread (skipped here and there) (max, sorry i asked you tell me your story in an earlier post, I didnt realize it was here). All the people out there giving advice are so important and meaningful to me too. thanks for helping me through this, especially FREE.

For those who are single and think its tough to have no one, it's no piece of cake being married and having to hide this from my H, it also feels like I have no one. I feel terrible becoz I am hiding from the person I live with and share a bed with....this isn't meant to downplay the effects an A has on single people. just a mw perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 12:41pm

hi sp,

i know how hard it is to not tell anyone u know, that is why me or we are on this board, to express how we feel and talk to someone, i come here to vent out how i feel

there is no different if u are single or married when u are having or ending an affair, its hard over all, everyone has a different experience

im just watching tv right now, just woke up and i dont even feel like eating breakfast but i know i have to do something or else i would go crazy and be depress

do u have kids ?, maybe u can focus on your kids, maybe try to give your H another try, i am divorce to a very wonderful woman, we drifted apart and i regret i very much, i had an affair with a co-worker in which i was more miserable than happy most of the time, i realy dont know why i tolerated the feeling of being miserable in exchange for some moments of happiness with OW, i knew i am in a losing battle with her trying to convince her to be with me but i still persisted, up to this point in time i realy dont know why i did it, maybe it was love, attention that i was not getting from my then wife

now i regret it having the affair, my life is not in shambles so i think, i need to rebuild it from square one, i am scared and afraid of how i will do it, but im sure i will be able to adopt in time, like FREE said, in time it will heal and we will be able to continue to live perhaps even have a real relationship again

ill never never have another affair, its not worth the pain and heartache, not to mention the pain we inflict on other people on both sides of the affair

SP, take care, be busy and try to take your mind off him, i know its very hard, me , i try to post as much on this board, i want to actually do what i write, its my goal, im trying so hard to to what i know i should but sometimes my heart refuse to do it and let go

take care,
max

pls dont forget to eat so u wont get sick, im forcing myself to eat

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 3:18pm

Hi Max -
I am married,but have no kids. Here is some more background on me: Been married 2 years My H is the most caring, understanding, patient guy. My H and I grew up together (same group of friends) and then one thing led to another and after dating for 5 years the next logical step was marriage. We were always great friends but i knew he was not a deep person. not talkative. not analytical. not emotional, not curious -- qualities that describe me. (All these characteristics were a good compliment i thought to my personality). He is the calm to my neurosis, he listens when I blab on and on. He is the fun to my depression. He is rational when I overthink. I thought that is all I needed. I didn't think anything was missing. Our sex life was never amazing, but I always assumed it was related to meds and that people who talk about great sex were lying. Sex was never the key focus of our relationship and he has said in recent years, that my emotional health (anxiety, depression, migraines) is more important to him than sex. See how understanding he is.

In Dec I started going through what I see now as a very vulnerable phase. (i almost regressed back to an 18 year old). I was unhappy at work and bored with my assignments and had a huge fight with my manager and his manager. I found out 3 close friends (the only real ones I have in this city are all moving this spring for various reasons and to different cities. I was constantly worried about my parents (their health, dad unemployed and very depressed, sister who has chronic illnesss). I was frustrated with my libido and blamed in on the meds. I couldnt relax so I smoked pot (something I rarely did as a teenager) but it is shocking that I sought this out on my own. Then came the cigarettes (I have awlays been the biggest anti-smoker)...and then came the emotional connection with OM.
OM came into the picture right then and there....and I was too vulnerable and let my judgement get the best of me. I was bored with life and listening and talking to a new friend was so exciting....
Anyways, since my phone call last night, and my email 2 days ago I have not called or any other contact. I am thinking about not going to work on Monday simply to avoid seeing him.

I know these are not excuses but its just background so you know where I am coming from.
I am torn between telling H about all this and tortured about not seeing/hearing OM.

You mention a distraction and I agree i need one..but with my depression I feel like I have lost all sense of things I used to do that were fun.

Last thing...funny you should mention "dont forget to eat",... because that has been my biggest problem over the last week --> Zero apetite. I feel hungry but the thought of putting food in my mouth bothers me...strange

I think I am going to take a study and go for a walk around the block. Its cold where I am so don;t know how long that will be......later and thanks for sharing with me and letting me share with you.




Edited 4/14/2005 2:04 pm ET ET by spanishtrain
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 3:46pm

hi SP,

maybe its time to seek professinal help, i was on anti-depression drug call Lexapro and its worked well for me, it blocked my emotions and i was able to sleep and eat and work

i am not on meds now, i am actually handling myself better, i feel sad but i dont want to take meds anymore

i think MM came in when u were venurable like u said, so now u have to make a choice to make yourself better, its very hard, im having a hard time, actually im answering your posts as a therapy to myself, i kept telling myself that it will getr better and also telling u it will be better, im sure people on this bored will second that

life is not fair at all but i think it life is fair then we will all be bored to death

if u feel like not going to work on Monday then what will u do at home, maybe u and husband can play hokey, ask him to take a day off also and do something

its valentines day so take your husband out and do something, anything

me i have to go to work and see her there and go home alone at nite, i know i will feel sad and alone but its reality to me, woould i cry when i get home, maybe, maybe not but im not going to let her make me feel bad anymore, i have no idea what i will do on monday

just make sure u survive today and then think of tomorrow when it comes

max

u can send me email anytime if u want

fil_d90@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 4:04pm
hi max,
just wanted to see how u are doing? also wanted to wish you a happy valentines day, i no this day will be hard, also for me but we will get though it.
candy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 4:37pm

hi candy,

happy v day to u too, im trying to cope as much as i can by posting here, its just another day , nothing special

u take care also

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 11:30pm

ok, its been 3 days since no contact, its about 8:25 pm pacific time and im itching to send her and email or test message

i dont want to so im posting on this board, i went to get a haircut today, went to do laundry and i'll be cooking dinner later

its so hard, i already put her pictures in a box, she got all kinds of stuff in my house, she gave me a dvd player and a rice cooker, im actually using it and dont want to get rid of it

anyways, i wanted to psot here rather than send her a text or email, what a life, i feel like a kid sometimes

wait till monday, i hate going to work and seeing her there

what am i to do

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:39am

Max -
Hope you made yourself a good dinner last night. Good for you on Day 3, you did the right thing to not call. I am day 2 now (ie, yesterday was the first day I didn't try to contact OM), and I hope today goes well.

This thread though has got me thinking and I realized this last night over dinner with my H. (how ironic) I emailed OM twice and no response. I left phone message on Friday night and no response. Clearly the signal is leave me alone. I want to accept that (i am trying) and I will leave him alone. So when he acts all friendly at work (professional he calls it) I will try my best to not look his way or recognize him. Maybe an immature approach, but maybe that;s the only thing that will work...hey, I might even quit smoking, because I will avoid going to the smoker section outside where he often is!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 2:27am

hi all,

4 days of NC, i am so anxious about going to work tomorrow, its 11:24 pm here on the west coast and i am watching the Grammys, for some reason she entered my mind again, i hate it

she is very good looking and a good dresser and she carries herself realy good, i hate it when i see her at work , she is very flirty sometime or maybe its just my imagination, i get jealous before, i hate it since she seems not to be affected by all of this

maybe she realy does not care for me, she did have her cake and eat it also , i think Free is right

im so wide awake, im afraid to go to bed and begin to think of her again

goodnite all,

ill post what will happen tomorrow

max