She got the cell phone bill

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
She got the cell phone bill
11
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 9:55pm
Hi Guys,
I haven't posted in a while because, well not much has been going on. xMM and I have still stayed in contact without the physical contact, and trying to do the whole friends thing, which wasn't working very well. (too much emotion. ) Well I posted a while ago that I thought he was trying to get caught, talking to me for hours a day on his cell phone when he knows she's very anal about the bill and would definately find out about it. Well, he called me at work and told me she got the bill, and she planned on calling me and giving me a piece of her mind. (She is/was my friend.)Well she did. I guess stuff is going down at home tonight. She now knows about me, though she doesn't know the full extent. Of course she feel very betrayed, by me, her friend, and her H. He told her on today that he wants out of the marriage. He does not want to work things out. She told me he said this also. She now blames me for every problem they have in their marriage, and I just let her blame all she wanted, since I didn't think I was in a position to be defending myself. I told her that our feelings for eachother started out as innocent and friendly and just grew from there.That I never intended to betray her friendship, but after he and I became so close I felt my priority was with him at that point. The last time I talked to him he said "i'm doing this tonight,I love you and we're gonna be together." Well he has said that 2 other times and has chickened out both times, so I'm not counting on anything tonight either. (however, she never knew about ME those other times.)Oh, she called his mom, who then called him to tell him that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. He told her grass wasn't the problem. The marriage is. I don't know how this is gonna pan out tonight. I kow we actually already ended the A, but this puts a new twist on things. I'll take him back once or if he's available. Now a couple questions. She also e-mailed me this afternoon before I talked to her. It pretty much says have a nice life! It also says that all contact between me and her H will be stopping. (she told him that and he said no it won't). But am I supposed to e-mail her back? What would I say? or do I just let it go? Also, He got home from work around 7 pm. Its now almost 10 and I haven't heard a word. What does that mean and is it good or bad?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:18pm

Pal

E-mail her back Noooo, stand back and let them deal with it.

No way to answer the good/bad question, but do your heart a favor and keep him at arms length until he has at least filed for the D and can produce the paper work from his lawyer, talk is cheap you want real proof.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:12pm
Hi free,
Thanks for your immediate reply. it really helped my nerves. Now something new. It's 11:00 and he just called me from their house. I guess she said "Here, I know you want to call her," and dialed my number for him. So He talked to me while she walked in the garage. He said they are in a big fight, and whenever she starts yelling at him or giving him guilt trips he pictures me behind him saying, " keep your eye on the prize!" I used to tell him that all the time. I asked what was going on and he said he's still sticking to his guns about us being together. He said it's hard because she keeps begging him for one more chance, but she says if he gives it to her, he has to promise no contact with me. He told her that won't happen.(umm, yes it will buster) Then I told him he better let me go before she comes back in. He said he loves me so much. And that was it. Well he told me to keep my door open tonight cuz he thinks she is almost to the point of telling him to get the hell out. I've learned one weakness of him through all this. He is NOT a strong man. I love him, but he needs to grow some b@ll$!!! Why would she do something like that. Dial my number for him??? I find that strange on her part.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:17pm

Don't email her back. You and her husband have hurt her enough already. Let the chips fall where they may. You haven't heard anything because D-Day (ask any BS on the other boards) is comparable to an earthquake. "D" as in devastation....

If I were you I would lay low and not make any noise for a while. Things could get ugly.
I know that deep down inside you may be feeling some relief that it is now out in the open and that "hope" may be your companion for the time being, but guard your heart my dear, because life doesn't always turn out the way we want it to.

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:26pm

Pal

Way dial the phone, maybe because she knows that most of the men will chicken when there wife shows them the day, there is a big difference between going and gone.

I have to agree with your MM tactics in trying to get her to kick him out are really very cowardly, his letting her find your number on the phone bill and being hurt bad enough for HER to end the marriage is not very impressive. She comes off looking like the bad guy and so do you this way.

If you really want him you probbly will get him just hope your not to disappointed.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:38pm

Pal,

I have been reading your posts, and you could be having an A with my MM!
We tried the friend thing too, and we ended up right back in the A.
His wife knows about me and has for quite some time. He is still with her.

I agree with you that he's a chicken, and needs to grow some b@lls, as does
my MM. I don't feel like I have a cake-eater, and I know he loves me, but
I am finally coming to the realization that mine is never going to
leave and started today with NC.

It's hard, but if he really wants you, he will leave and he knows where to
find you.

Good Luck! (to both of us!)

Owl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 4:59am

Hi again, and thank you for your replies. It's 4 :50 am and I haven't slept a wink. I got another e-mail from her at 1:30 am, (he must've went to bed or something.) I haven't heard back from him yet. Please help me decipher what her e-mail is trying to tell me. Did he agree to NC and decide to stay, or is there still hope for us yet? Here's her email to me

"I would appreciate if you would back off and let him sort things out on his own without your HELP, instead of being a homewrecker like you had done to you. For crying out loud, think about his kids. If you really wanted to help you would have tried to help us both instead of going behind my back. "

I have a million things going through my head. I know soon enough I'll know his answer, but would like a little help to get me through. What does it sound like to you???
THANKS!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and should I still not email her back??? She might keep this up!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 9:11am

Pal

No response, step back and make HIM take the actions required if he wants out of his marriage, you do anything else and HE may blame everything on you when he chickens and runs home again.

Not enough info provided for a logical conclusion, no I would say nothing has been decided.

jmho

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 10:47am

Please don't respond to the BS e-mail. You and the cheating Husband have already set the plate for the impending trainwreck. A holiday season has been ruined for all involved - just as when my H and his OW set things up just before Thanksgiving 2 years ago. The woman has experienced a double betrayal - leave well enough alone. Here's to that poor woman getting rid of her spineless H and believe me - you will be getting a prize - NOT.

Go to the BS board and see what it's like to have something happen like this around the holidays with the kids......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 11:41am
Unfortunately I already know what it's like. If you've ever read any of my other messages you would see that my xH did the same thing to me in November 4 years ago. I remember all the pain I was in and vowed to never put another woman through this. Now that it has happened, I feel like calling my xH and apologizing to him for what he went through at that time too. He is now married to her, very happily I might add, and she is so much better for him than I was. I feel like she saved him in a way. I also know that I had so many thoughts about her, none good! Called her every name imaginable, when in reality she is a good person, a good mom to both her kids and mine and treats my xh like he deserves to be treated. We all get along very well and I like the way things have turned out. I believe that everything happens for a reason. If we're meant to be together, we will be. I
didn't ruin their marriage. We didn't even start talking until he felt the marriage was unsalvageable. I'm not trying to justify myself in any way. I know it wasn't the right way to go about it. I wish it could've happened differenly but it didn't. And as for him being a PRIZE or not, I guess that's for me to decide. I understand your pain. I have been there, and I feel for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 12:03pm

Pal,

This will be my last post to this thread as I may be coming to the slippery slope of violating the TOS. In October - you posted this on the "My Affair Support" board:

"I was just wondering how many of you have given, or plan to give your MM or MW an ultimatum. I've only been seeing MM for about 2 months but I'm already getting to the point of s&*t or get of the pot. I'm not one who likes to waste time, and he knows I'm not a patient person. I know he wants to leave but I haven't asked him when he plans to do so yet. I wasn't gonna approach that subject until after the holidays, cuz I don't want his kids to have a miserable Christmas. If I'm feeling this way already, should I tell him or should I give it more time to see if he does it on his own?"

His kids are guaranteed to now have that "miserable Christmas" you didn't want them to have. But you're right - you will determine if the cheating H is a prize or not. And no, you must not feel the pain, because I would never do to another woman what has been done to me and my son - and please don't give me that "never say never" or "throwing stones through glass houses" crap that's posted all over these boards.

What a shame, the pain we humans put each other through.




Edited 11/25/2004 12:04 pm ET ET by ivbeenaroundthebl

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