should I?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
should I?
2
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 8:56am
Hi all,
I’m not sure if I should be posting here since I’m still in the process of thinking if I should end it or continue with it. In short, this is my story: I’ve been seeing (6 month) a coworker who is also in a serious/long term relationship. We’ve known each other for 2 years now, we are great friends as well as lovers; we have so much fun together! We’ve gotten so attached to each other. When I decide not to call him, he’ll call me and vice versa. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster. We talked before and decided that we should slow down and focus on our own relationships but when we see each other everything goes out the window…and fall of each other all over again. And we see each other all the time; we spend hours on the phone. I don’t know what to do. Should I stop talking to him all together? Is it time to move on? It’s so hard because it’s really changing my relationship at home. Any advice- what would you do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: babygurlnyc
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 7:43pm

Babygurl

IF your married then you need to end this once and for all and deal with your marriage one way or another BUT do not end a marriage while involved with this man because the simple truth is as long as your involved with him you cannot honestly access your marriage or spouse as long as your looking at them through this fantasy relationship that has none of the real world problems that a marriage or above board relationship has.

This fantasy relationship feels good because it has none of the done side stuff no RESPONSIBILIIES that real relationships have, almost all affair based relationships turn turtle in less then a year once they go public and face the real world and all the things that brings into a real relationship.

Tell him your done ans INSIST that he respect your wishs and enforce NO CONTACT with you, if he does not agree it shows a lack of respect and selfishness and selfishness is what most affairs are based on.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
In reply to: babygurlnyc
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:20pm
" it’s really changing my relationship at home."..............and not for the better I am sure. IMO you have confused fantasy with realty. You really need to step away and evaluate your M and relationship with H. You can't do that with a third party involved. Time for you to decide what you really want and need in life and prioritize the things you need to do to get there. Right now you aren't beeing fair to your H or yourself. Remember that accepting M also bestowed obligations on the M partners. If you can't live up to those obligations then you should free your H to find someone who can. I hope you think carefully about what you want out of life.