Should I apologize and a confession
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| Tue, 01-05-2010 - 9:46am |
Hi all,
I have had kind of an epiphany lately and this is actually hard for me to admit to everyone. There was a girl that my xAP had an affair with before me at work. My xAP said it was only physical and he told her that from the very beginning. He said he never told her that he loved her and never talked to her about a future together. Their relationship was much different than ours.
Well the girl and I got along when I first started working at the company for about a year. A group of us would go out after work. After a few times of going out she told me that her and my manager were having an affair. I knew it (could tell) but was shocked that she told me.
A couple months after that she really started to dislike me. This was before anything started happening with me and xAP. This girl was very mean when she didn't like someone. I seriously don't ever remember being treated like this before. I grew to really not like her either. She would constantly talk about me to other people behind my back which I would not do. I actually did not tell one other coworker the things that she said/did to me. I was trying to diffuse the situation. We worked in the same group under my xAP and she would tattle on me if she found a mistake on something and was just generally a very mean and vindictive person.
She knew something was going on before I would even admit it to myself. I did tell her a couple times that there was nothing going on and she had nothing to worry about. I believed it at the time and even would tell my husband about this women and how much she disliked me and the fact that she had an affair with my manager. This was just when the flirting beginning and nothing else.
So when things started happening with me and my xAP I didn't feel bad at all. It was so unlike me. I actually barely even thought about her and her feelings. I just did not care. I actually even got some pleasure out of going out to lunch with him right in front of her.
I have been thinking about this the past couple days after reading other people's posts. I feel pretty badly about it now. No matter how mean she was to me I actually probably deserved it. She was probably so hurt. I'm pretty sure she was in love with him too.
I'm just surprised I haven't thought about it much before now. I actually couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking about it. I still have her name in my phone and I was thinking that maybe I should text her and simply say "I'm sorry". I remembered that when a guy hurt me and came back long after and apologized to me I really appreciated it. I think it would make me feel better if I did, but I don't want to be selfish again about this.
Do you guys think I should text her or just leave her alone?

Good Morning...
Its amazing the things we look back on when we were in our "fogs" and think..."did I really do that"?
I would do nothing.
Thank you all for your responses. After reading your posts and thinking about it I agree with the consensus. I believe she also still works for him (I quit in March) and as far as I know they could even be back in a relationship. xAP tends to get lonely and likes extra excitement at work. If she was still interested and I think she probably would be if he fished, then they could very likely be back together again. He said that him and his wife had sex 4 times in the past 3 years. So he would definitely be looking for the sexual aspect of the relationship. I get nervous every time I go to lunch in the small town they work in. I meet family and friends there for lunch sometimes and I'm always worried I'm going to see them out to lunch. That would really hurt, but I guess it would make all of this much easier to deal with.
So it probably wouldn't be a good idea, but I definitely feel remorseful for hurting her. I know that she wasn't the greatest person either, but I try very hard to not intentionally hurt other people. It kind of shocks me that I really did not feel bad at all about it. These affairs really do bring out the worst in us.
These affairs really do bring out the worst in us.
Yes my friend...