should I contact OM's W??
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should I contact OM's W??
| Mon, 03-14-2005 - 3:21pm |
I've been debating about whether or not to come clean to my husband (whom I'm soon leaving, but not because of A) about the A?? In addition to this I want to know if I should contact OM's wife and let her know what her new husband has been up to, both before and after their wedding? It does seem a bit cruel and vindictive, but don't they have a right to know?? Her and her husband (OM) are also friends of my sister and her husband. So it's a rather close circle of friends.
What would you do? Leave it alone, or get it all out in the open? I am risking losing OM's friendship if I did this which at this time for some unknown reason is still important to me.

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What IF you weren't splitting with your H, and it was HIM that was splitting up and wanted to contact YOUR H to tell him what you've been up to? You're right, it's vindictive, and you're behaving as a woman scorned, not as someone that has his wife's best interest in mind. As pissed off as I am towards XMM, never, never, never would I ruin him like that. He is her problem now, let it be. When I told XMM that I loved him and cared about him back then, I meant every word of it..and that means not acting out of anger, but rather let both of us move forward with our lives.
Edited 3/14/2005 4:38 pm ET ET by hurtpup
You need to figure out what exactly you want and just let go.
Don't do that. If you do it OM will think your ARE being vindictive and he wil probably hate you for it. Don't end this on a bad note. If its not meant for you and him to be together your going to have to learn to deal with that. Think of all the problems you are going to cause other people.
telling others about an affair is really you just wanting to rid yourself of guilt (IMO) or wanting others to be affected by it for some reason.
Your xMM will most likely do this again. Its not your job to "warn" his wife. She would not be very open to your "help" since you are a participant...not a victim of a robber. If he was harmful or dangerous...i'd change my mind. But since he didnt force you to participate in this...your help is not needed.
I am glad you questioned yourself, just look to your motivation and but please also...want to look in the mirror.
You would regret it and yes many of us fantasize about it usually immediately after someone has betrayed US somehow.
You need to forgive yourself..and in order to start doing that you have to a) accept your role in it b) want to like yourself. This is not the way to go about doing that.
Good luck, and good job posting about this feeling instead of doing it impulsively. You can see how that is a sign of change for you already =)
Lizzie
there is already so much pain, no need to sow more im my opinion
i hope u find some answers here or at least some insights
take care,
max
unhppilymarried
I don't give a crap what XOM thinks or weather he likes you or not it don't matter at all.
What matters is WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATION FOR TELLING HIS WIFE AND YOUR HUSBAND, way are you considering this. You are considering telling your husband just as you head out the door, whats the purpose....TO GET THE LAST SHOT IN, what other reason can there be ?????
DON'T DO IT, I think you want to hurt both men that you blame for hurting you, belly up to the bar and take EQUAL responsibility for your life being the way it is.
JMHO
Free
Sure why not? Why stop there even? Why don't you take out a front page ad and announce to the world just what kind of person YOU are while dragging everyone else down into your pit right along with you. <-- That's sarcasm BTW.
Really tho what would YOU think of someone who did that?
You made your move in secret now just move back out again in secrecy. Ended my 8 year A two weeks ago BTW. Instead of getting even why not just get yourself free?
Riven
Try not to kill me here, it's how I see it.
LilRocket
I am going to be the voice of dissent here. I am not going to tell you to definitely tell his W or not to. I will say this, I spend a lot of time on the All Sides debate board and, if you look there, many betrayed spouses say that they wish someone had told them what was happening.
Without knowing what her husband is up to, she is not able to make informed decisions about her own marriage and her own life. Some would say that she deserves to know that her husband is lying to her, cheating on her, and generally not abiding by the rules of marriage that he agreed to.
I have not been married (I was/am a single OW) so I cannot claim to have a personal view on how you should handle this. But it seemed to me that you were getting one point of view only here and that the other POV should at least be considered.
Jules
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