Should I end it? Need advice
Find a Conversation
Should I end it? Need advice
| Fri, 06-04-2004 - 9:07pm |
I have been struggling with ending my A for a few weeks now. We have been together for over a year and a half, we have not had sex but have done other things. For the last year and a half things were basically kissing a few times and some flirty conversations. About Two months ago we started talking seriously about taking this to a new level. Our conversations have taken on a new dimension. We share things I never thought I'd share. We have even done a few things physically more than before. Suffice it to say this A has intensified. Let me mention we are friends w/ benefits and nothing more.Howver over the last two months I have become addicted to this. I check email constantly, think about MM all the time, feel desperate after he calls wanting to know the next time he will (which he always does) Nothing seems like it is enough. MM hasn't been perfect but I know they way I been feeling can't continue. I have tried to say I am going to just get things in perceptive, try not calling him etc but this truly like an addiction. Just knowing he might call or email at any given time keep me glued to my cell and computer. Anyway, I am and have been feeling miserable. Don't get me wrong I am flying when we talk but most of the time I am miserable. I know things would be fine if I could just go back to when I wasn't so obsessed but I just can;t seem to do that. Knowing that I have sort of decided the only way for me to start feeling better is to end it. Its not really what I want. I wanted this in the beginning to fill a void in my M and it did that so well. NC for a few days was no big deal. Now one day of NC drives me must and the weekends which we do have NC are awful. I have thought about trying to end it my mind but not tell him. I don;t know if that would work though, I would still be waiting for the call/email. How do you end it when you really don't want to and you know you only have to break your addiction?? Also, what if I change my mind and realize I have made a huge mistake. Up until a few months ago this has given me a lot of comfort with my M. What should I do??

Try getting involved in an activity or sport you like. Something to keep you out of the house and away from the computer. Or you could get yourself involved with a project at home that you have been wanting to get done but never had the time to. These are all easy for me to suggest, but I know it will be harder for you to do when your mind is always on MM. It sounds like you are in love.
Perhaps the best way really is to end the A. It will be painful either way, but the way I see it if YOU are the one that's ending it (rather than him) it will be a little less painful because you are getting control of YOUR life. Good luck
Clearly this is something I feel passionately about, huh? ;-) It's just that I've been there, I know how damaging it ultimately is, and what a difficult addiction it is to get over. If you truly are ready to end it, you'll have to be clear about the ending, you'll have to remain strong in your conviction that it is the right thing to do, and you'll have to work really hard to fill the void in a healthy, positive way. It wil be hard, but ultimately it will pay off in spades, when you are able to live an honest life and grab your happiness from the world going on around you, not the fantasy of an affair.