The slightly longer answer is:- Well, can a crack addict have just one more hit? Do you think you'll survive french kissing a live shark? If you think so, then by all means head back on over to the Crack House or to the nearest ocean and see how you fare.
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Would this would be the friendship in which he lied, cheated and betrayed someone who loves him while you enabled and encouraged him to do so? That's not friendship, that's a secret boink-buddy.
<<>>
You know you're doing the right thing so...STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER! lol Seriously, get out and, DO stuff. Break old, bad habits like torturing yourself by staring at your cell phone or computer screen. If you change/block his usual methods of communication then you know that he cannot contact you and that's one vicious circle broken right there. It's also enormously empowering seizing back just that little bit of control.
This is your life, Sally. Do you really want to look back at 2004 and say, "well, that was the year I hung around the computer with my cell phone in my hand waiting on exMM to email or phone or text and being pissed & hurt when he didn't..."
<<>>
I think you've done great, Sally. Keep it up and you'll reap the rewards!
I read this with the Anastasia tune "Outside Alone" ("so how does it feel to be left outside alone,"etc) running round my head lol Fact of the matter is we can only ever control our own actions. So long as you refuse contact, contact cannot happen. You ARE in control of that, hon.
<<>>
Oh you can pretty much bank on it. Let him wonder. He's made his bed, allow him to wallow in it. Done is done and if he needs an ego-stroke he can look to his wife for it (when she's done roasting him slowly over open coals, of course). Not quite so flattering when you remember it's about him rather than you - He's in the hot seat right now and rather than stepping up to the plate or taking the consequences of his own actions on the chin or even doing what he said he was going to do and actually work on the marriage, instead he's looking for warm-fuzzies again no matter where they come from. This is really NOT great husband material, is it...
<<>>
Do you love the man described in my last paragraph? Do you think, "Wow, hot sounding boy tottie there, Posie!" Or is it more, "But Posie that isn't him, he's not like that, no really, he's actually like x and y and z!"
The question is do you love the person he actually is or is it that you are in love with the image you have of him of who you want him to be and how he wishes you to perceive him?
If you any saved e-mails DELETE them, BLOCK his e-mails and remove him from your address book, this will slow your ability to responed on a spure of the minute weakness, those mements will pass, you can have you phone company block calls from his numbers and unknown numbers as well.
The man that your so in love with is a LIAR AND A CHEATER that may offend you but it is none the less the truth, if his marriage is that bad let him leave it and deal with the consequences like a MAN not a sneek.
Posie's replies are wonderful and I hope you take them to heart.
The bad thing about just a *short* quick reply is that:
(1) You will loose the upper hand you currently have.
(2) There is no such thing as a quick reply because it will lead to him replying or questioning your short reply. Which then will lead to you explaining why. Which then will lead you right back to where you were!
Stay the course of NC. Period!
Keep your upper hand and look forward to a life of no lies and betrayals of yourself while he spends the rest of his life wondering and pondering your strength!
Good Luck to you and get busy building a better life for you! Because you're worth it!
<<>>
The short answer is:- "No."
The slightly longer answer is:- Well, can a crack addict have just one more hit? Do you think you'll survive french kissing a live shark? If you think so, then by all means head back on over to the Crack House or to the nearest ocean and see how you fare.
<<>>
Would this would be the friendship in which he lied, cheated and betrayed someone who loves him while you enabled and encouraged him to do so? That's not friendship, that's a secret boink-buddy.
<<>>
You know you're doing the right thing so...STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER! lol Seriously, get out and, DO stuff. Break old, bad habits like torturing yourself by staring at your cell phone or computer screen. If you change/block his usual methods of communication then you know that he cannot contact you and that's one vicious circle broken right there. It's also enormously empowering seizing back just that little bit of control.
This is your life, Sally. Do you really want to look back at 2004 and say, "well, that was the year I hung around the computer with my cell phone in my hand waiting on exMM to email or phone or text and being pissed & hurt when he didn't..."
<<>>
I think you've done great, Sally. Keep it up and you'll reap the rewards!
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Edited 10/1/2004 6:23 pm ET ET by sally289
<<>>
I read this with the Anastasia tune "Outside Alone" ("so how does it feel to be left outside alone,"etc) running round my head lol Fact of the matter is we can only ever control our own actions. So long as you refuse contact, contact cannot happen. You ARE in control of that, hon.
<<>>
Oh you can pretty much bank on it. Let him wonder. He's made his bed, allow him to wallow in it. Done is done and if he needs an ego-stroke he can look to his wife for it (when she's done roasting him slowly over open coals, of course). Not quite so flattering when you remember it's about him rather than you - He's in the hot seat right now and rather than stepping up to the plate or taking the consequences of his own actions on the chin or even doing what he said he was going to do and actually work on the marriage, instead he's looking for warm-fuzzies again no matter where they come from. This is really NOT great husband material, is it...
<<>>
Do you love the man described in my last paragraph? Do you think, "Wow, hot sounding boy tottie there, Posie!" Or is it more, "But Posie that isn't him, he's not like that, no really, he's actually like x and y and z!"
The question is do you love the person he actually is or is it that you are in love with the image you have of him of who you want him to be and how he wishes you to perceive him?
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
I totally DITTO BOTH of Posies posts.
If you any saved e-mails DELETE them, BLOCK his e-mails and remove him from your address book, this will slow your ability to responed on a spure of the minute weakness, those mements will pass, you can have you phone company block calls from his numbers and unknown numbers as well.
The man that your so in love with is a LIAR AND A CHEATER that may offend you but it is none the less the truth, if his marriage is that bad let him leave it and deal with the consequences like a MAN not a sneek.
HE WANTS TO CONTINUE TO BE A CAKE EATER.
Free
The bad thing about just a *short* quick reply is that:
(1) You will loose the upper hand you currently have.
(2) There is no such thing as a quick reply because it will lead to him replying or questioning your short reply. Which then will lead to you explaining why. Which then will lead you right back to where you were!
Stay the course of NC. Period!
Keep your upper hand and look forward to a life of no lies and betrayals of yourself while he spends the rest of his life wondering and pondering your strength!
Good Luck to you and get busy building a better life for you! Because you're worth it!
Edited 10/1/2004 6:24 pm ET ET by sally289