Should I send letters to his Wife?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Should I send letters to his Wife?????
3
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 10:06pm

This will be the short version......had an affair for past six months. He moved out of house (left wife and kids). Then about a month ago he said he had to move back in the house for the kids (7,9,12). Within three days he moved back out of his house again because he said he could not live with out me. Now he says he is depressed and he can't stand being away from his kids and needs to find a way back into his house. He says he loves me and the kids and there is no right answer in this situation. So he will now try to get back into the house.

Over the past six months he has written to me many letters which i have. His wife now is probably debating on whether or not she should let him move back in......should I send the wife one or two of the letters he wrote to me? I think she has a right to know wha the has been doin last few months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 11:34pm

What

What are your real motivations for sending these letters, is it because he wife has a right to know or is it because you want to destroy her family ??

I think if you were concerned with her you would not have been sleeping with her husband for the last six months now would you.

Do you want to send these letters for her or for you ???

If you do and his wife shows thewm to you and he loses his children over it what do you think he will feel toward you...OTHER THEN ANGER AND HATE....DESTROY THE LETTERS and walk away from this boy until he can put a divorce decree in your hand.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 6:53am

What is it exactly that you want to do here? End your affair, or destroy the lives of three innocent children and break up a family?


I am sure his wife already has a pretty good idea what's going on here. Sending letters will only make you look like a vindictive OW and will resolve NOTHING. Your MM is a cakeman. He wants you AND his family. You need to pull out of this equation so Mr. Cake_eater can face up to his responsibilites one way or another.


Settle for nothing short of a divorce. If he can't give you that, you will be the OW for the rest of this relationship. Is that how you want to live? There is nothing honorable in that.


I hope you can find the strength to walk away from this. If you are the one he wants, nothing will stop him from being with you....LEGALLY.


Sunny




Edited 6/13/2005 6:56 am ET ET by sundrian
Sunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 6:59am

do NOT send those letters. You have no right to. You are a participant. As "victimized" as you may feel you are part of his confusion and your own pain because of your choice to involve yourself with a man who has a family. Encourage him to be a good man if you LOVE HIM. Love is support for the good, not destruction. He obviously loves his children more than his own happiness. What can be wrong with that other than hurting your own relationship with him? You are an adult who made a choice in the beginning. Those children and his wife were not part of the decision making process.

Adults need to put the needs of children first. His wife probably figures by now what is going on....and if she doesn't ...she most likely will find out. You betraying HIM only brings yet another betrayal into all of this. This family and how its handled are HIS responsibilities. I am sure you wouldn't want anyone interferring in your relationship and how its handled....right? Would you like it if someone here or at your office or whatever chose to inform someone of your relationship or what youve been doing to someone significant without your doing or choice?

You want more control in your life and what happens. This is really what you are feeling. Unfortunately the only real right you have to control is over yourself and how THAT affects others.
You will feel much stronger and better about yourself and your ability to love someone if you chose not to be selfish and selfserving. Nobility does have its merits even if there is no physical reward...especially if you end up only having yourself to live with regardless. Thats my opinion.
I wish you strength, wisdom, and clarity,
Lizzie