Should I Tell

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Should I Tell
4
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 7:52pm
I know a man that is cheating on the women he is seeing. You see, he is cheating with me. We have had a on/off relationship now for 3 years. I know I need to get him out of my life, Believe me I have been trying. The problem is that I care for this person. And I know you are wondering how I can care for someone like that. Those of you that have been there know what I am talking about. I am closer now then ever to walking away because I realize this man will never be faithful to another women.

I do not know this women and have no ill feelings toward her. She is a victim also. I do believe that she should know what type of person he is. I know I would want to know. On the night of his birthday, he left her house and then we went out. Wouldn't you want to know if that was happening to you.

Please help

Confused, hurt, and mad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 8:56pm
I know you are hurting and angry. Personally I think it would be VERY cruel to tell the wife. It's one thing to know something is wrong in your marriage, to suspect your H is stepping out but it's another and much harder to be confronted with the truth, not by your H, who owes you the truth, but by another woman, someone you know, who knows more about your life than you do.

The truth finds it own way. Even though you believe right now your intentions are honorable, I think in time you'll see how cruel and selfish this would be.

I hope, even if you believe this is the right thing to do, you'll wait. I think in time you'll see that it's not necessary or nice.

She knows something is wrong in her marriage, even if she's not sure yet what it is. The hard thing to realize for us OWs is that we probably weren't the first and probably won't be the last. Let someone else blow this woman's world apart, don't let it be you. Stop now and get away from this selfish man before he drags you down to his level.

If you are his first and only, it's in your power to remove yourself from this mess and let them figure out their own lives and marriage.

Good luck. Protect yourself and don't concern yourself with others' lives and what YOU think they need to know. It's time for you to work on you and your life.

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 9:22pm
I'm sorry I disagree. when i finally found out about the other woman my XOM was seeing for years I told her that i wished I had found out sooner. I was angry that it went on for so long and I was in the dark about it. I was so depressed but glad that I finally knew the truth.

Only Richmond can make this decision, but the first thing she should do is break up with this man. She is feeding into this triangle! She is part of the problem! She is helping him hurt his wife/SO

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 10:45pm
They are not married. This man will never marry her. I just think that she has the right to know. Maybe if someone would of clued me in when we were dating years ago, I would have made a different decision. I know it is wrong of me to still be with him and I have decided or realized that if he can't be true to other women, he sure is not going to be with me. Just want to save someone alittle bit of the hurt and betrail that I went through. If you hear some revenge in my letter, yes there is some. But not to hurt anyone (her) for no reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 3:55am
I have on many occasions been tempted to tell my XMM's W the truth, but I don't because I know deep inside it would have been to try and scare her off or have revenge on XMM for nearly destroying my life, while keeping his "intact" by lying to her. But mosty because the truth according to me is just that, and only that. What is the "truth" in these circumstances? These OM let us know what they want. They could be lying, and are at least very subjective in the information they share.

Best to just follow your gut insticts. Get out of a bad situation. Don't play God with someone else's life. He says he would never marry her.... if that is the case, than he should break up with her. End of story. If he can't do that, than he is lying to you, too.

Been there.

Lala