Should I tell the wife of my affair with her husband?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2013
Should I tell the wife of my affair with her husband?
22
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 12:33am

Anyone,

I just found this site tonight and I am searching for anyone that can advise me on what to do. I ended a 10 year affair with a married man in November of last year (11/1/12) and haven't  seen him in 10 months. I broke down this past June and called him because I wanted to apologize for my behavior, for sleeping with him for 10 years, and say I wanted to clear my conscience. He never left his wife and I divorced my husband after 30 years of marriage because I kept  thinking he would. During our affair he confessed that he had an affair once before me and his wife caught him. Of course he told her  this woman didn't mean anything, even though he slept with her more than once. She forgave him. He told me of this prior affair after I slept with him, I was thinking he was just like me, a first time adulterer. Unfortunately his wife caught him again, this time with a picture of me and my phone number was in his phone so she confronted him.  He lied to her and said he didn't love me, hadn't slept with me and would do anything to stay with her. Away to marriage counseling they go without him ever stopping his affair with me. We continued to see each other for 9 years.  I finally had enough after he brought his wife to the same place we always stayed at when he was in town for the weekend, not caring that I saw him.  I told him to leave me the hell alone and he did. Fast forward to me calling him to clear my consience in June, and we spoke a few times but he was very cool towards me. I asked him to come see me when he was in town, he lives in another state and travels a lot for his job. Before he said he would he called to say that he was having trouble at home, to which I said I didn't want to know about it just stop to see me. He finally had to call me and say his wife caught him again with another woman and he was in a lot of trouble. It turns out when I ended it in November he found a woman 20 years younger to carry on withwhile living in Florida for his job, and he told her he was divorced. Met her family and was dating her heavily. She called him when he was at home one weekend looking for him and his wife answered his phone. She found out the whole story and told his wife what he was doing with her. Now the woman that he was involved with has tested positive for STD's. He was picking up women and sleeping with them before he found her so she has diseases but not sure if he does. What a mess. I I just want advice on if I should call his wife and let her know that he was with me too, and it was 10 years not just a few weeks like she thinks. I am concerned that he is going to give her a serious ilness if she hasn't got it already, and she needs to know he is a pathological liar with a narcissistic personality. I am NOT seeking revenge, it will expose me and subject me to humiliation and ridicule, that I deserve by the way, but I want her to know.  He deserves to be caught before he hurts more people. His wife is too insecure to kick him out, and they are Catholic so maybe this would help her make the right decision. NO I don't want the sick man, just want to make a clean start for my sanity. My marriage was ruined by my stupidity and belief of every smooth talking lie that he told me. Thank you for any replies,  I know I was wrong and have asked for forgiveness from God many times.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2013



My girlfriend of 2 years, just left, no note, no text, no explanation, I was in pieces, I contacted Dr.Obodo and within a few minutes of talking to he I felt much better, he is so calming, I listened to he advise and he began work for me, it took a few weeks to bring J back, about 2 I think, but it worked and I can't thank he enough.
you can contact Dr at +(234)8155-425481 or (templeofanswer@hotmail.co.uk)
  K. Cornwall.
 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2014


I broke up with my girlfriend last 2 months due to many misunderstandings i was fighting so hard to get her back. none of her friends would give me any information about her. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get her back then a friend recommended me to contact robinsonbuckler@yahoo. com that he will help me and as my friend said, Mr robinson helped me to bring back my girlfriend just in 3 days, I now have her back and this is the biggest joy of my life

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