should i write to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
should i write to him?
7
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 4:45pm
i have been down all day. this no contact thing is killing me slowly....

i have been thinking about sending om a letter and telling him how i feel.

i want him to know i am in love with him. i want him to know that i think

about him all the time and that i am sad with out him.

what do you guys think?

thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 4:53pm
I'll tell you what I did and what happened: I revealed to my OM. that I had secretly loved him for years and hoped that someday, when my children were older, we would be together. He only told me that he loved me once but I thought that he just didn't like to express his feelings and besides, I was sure I could FEEL his love in the way he kissed me and held me. I thought I couldn't possibly be imagining it. Well, he told me that he didn't love me "that way", had no intention of leaving his GF and that if he did, he would want to play the field and not settle down with me. I was totally floored, I felt like a fool. I certainly didn't get the declaration of love I was hoping for. I don't know if this helps you at all. You may take a very big risk, like I did and have it blow up in your face. Then again, I needed to know this, I wish I found out sooner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:13pm
You know writing him a letter and laying your feelings all out for him to read and see, will accomplish NOTHING. If your A is over with OM what will happen/change if he knows how you feel? What will change for you if you know how he feels?

If you are really truly set on ending the A, then don't contact him at all, ever. Remember for every action there is a reaction. You do not know how xOM is going to react to you putting it all down in writing. Can you handle it if what happened to Toosmart happens to you? And on the flip side what happens if he decides he wants to continue the A are you willing to do that?

Just some questions for you to decide how much you can handle at this point. How about if you write the letter and then just save the draft without sending it. Re-read it a few times over say a week and then see if you still feel like you should send it. I have many drafts since the day my A ended saved in my draft file, none of which will ever make it to OM's computer. What's done is done, what had to be said, was said, what wasn't said will never be said. Doesn't make it any easier but take it hour by hour and day by day and you will get thru this. I am on day 19 and still struggling but I know from the support I get here that I will make it.

{Hugs}

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:44pm

I agree with Daf.

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:03am
My experience it had been almost 2 NC months when I wrote

Xmm to tell him happy birthday. I sent it to a email

account that one that he used only for email from me.

I didn't hear back from him for 2 weeks and his response

was that he hadn't checked that account in a long time..

That is when it dawned on me that it was over that I was

the only one hanging on by checking mine daily like I had been

doing for so long.. Wanted to share that..

The only thing that you will be doing like love said will be

lowering yourself and leave him thinking that you are pining

away for him.. It's time to move on and do what you need to

in order to make yourself happy..

Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:35am
I am struggling with the same thing today - I have already sent him the pathetic, please don't do this to me letter, I did that on day one. This morning I woke up and it's just a really nice day and all I could think about was him. I wanted to send him a text message saying I hope he was having a nice day, etc. But then I thought, he is not reaching out to me, so why should I reach out to him?

Don't do it. Like the others said, it will accomplish nothing. And if he doesn't respond (he never responded to my email), then you will feel even worse, trust me. It's just not worth it. Put your effort into something else, something for YOU.

Many hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:27am
.


Edited 10/1/2004 6:22 pm ET ET by sally289
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 11:31am
i know i should not write to him. i wrote him a letter i would love to send

i guess i am down again because i received his wedding invitation.

i want him to know how i feel, and i would love to know what he feels.

i know we are friends and deep inside i think he did care about me.

the circumstances though were not there. we all know each other we know each others families.

getting together would mean hurting a lot of people first and that is what made what we had impossible. even though i would like for us to be together, i dont know how the people around us those involved would react to a divorce or to us getting together.

i still want to send that letter. it came out pretty good. but i am going to hold on to it for now and read it again on monday.

thanks for listening and for the advise