sick and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
sick and confused
9
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 8:41am
I've read the posts and I'm sick to death. I can't sleep, eat, or go through with my day. I've lost my best friend, the person most in sync with me ever. He has young children to think of. He is protecting them. I guess I do to. Right now I'm safe. Nobody knows on my end but his W does. I've tried for years to work on my marriage. We are so different and he always makes me feel bad for who I am. I've begged him for us to get help but he refuses. I just wanted to be loved for who I was and in that search I found the absolutely perfect guy. I know it in my heart. If my marriage end, maybe I can be happy cause maybe I'll be free to find someone who IS available. But right now I can't see that. I can't think straight. I don't know how to make this emptiness go away. Help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 10:37am

Hi Jocelyn,


Welcome!


I'm sorry you are hurting. Many of us can relate to where your at right now emotionally.


Stay here and continue to read. Have you scrolled down the main EAS page to the "Healing Library"? It's a great place to read.


You are still thick in the A fog. If your H won't go to MC or do what is

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 12:24pm

Good morning J.


I know that this pain is raw and unbearbale right now, BUT the good news is you've found a place where you can post, read and get support.


You really need to just relax and take care of yourself right now and not make any major life decisions until you have had some time to heal and get over the A.


No good decisions can be made in the place where you are at.


READ READ READ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 2:20pm
Thank you. I'm still crying. Saying to myself how lucky I am that at least for now my H knows nothing and I can start over. And truely the A is so wonderful, we were both so on the same page. But I think he needs no contact to make sure if his marriage fails, he at least tried. And part of me feels sooooo guilty cause I could have stopped this and then I'd still have my friend. Why didn't I do that? I just let it get out of control thinking we'd be careful it could go on forever. I'm sooooooooooooooo sad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 3:32pm

Saying to myself how lucky I am that at least for now my H knows nothing and I can start over.


The only way to start over...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 3:55pm

This is part of the thread I talked about in my last post....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 4:01pm
I posted to why its not real. Please read it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 4:09pm

I posted back....


Best of luck to you.


L

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 4:26pm
Thanks. I guess I'm on this EAS cause of his D day. Day 3 of NC. But I love him enough to let him go as long as he needs to. But if he is ready to make this real, I have to say I would be too. Every moment with him was a gift from G. Which is why I have so much pain right now. I want to fix my marriage but I'm in no shape to right now. And I'm not sure its fixable cause we have grown so far apart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 4:44pm

I think you need time my friend....