Sick of it

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sick of it
3
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:54pm
I am sick of the phone calls

Sick of hearing how he wants to be with me but cant

Sick of knowing I was a cheater

Sick of hearing he misses me

Tired of feeling lost and scared

Sick of loving someone who says they care so much but wont take care of themselves

Sick of waking up 10 times a night

Sick of not being kind to my H

Sick of being scared to be alone

I am mad

I am destroyed

I wish that my A never happened
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
In reply to: annakarena
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 5:03pm
First you get get sick of everything, then things will get better.

I dont have much advice to give you although you should know you are not alone and things will get better.

hugs,

m x.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
In reply to: annakarena
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 5:29pm


thank you again.

It has taken me a week to realize that my A was over - and that his once a day phone calls were mostly for him. He is torn. I am torn. But it cant go on. We are Married and unless we are willing to have NC (we are all friends so it will be hard) with eachother alone......and take care of our own situations - I dont want to even be his friend.

Its too painful.

My H and I went online yesterday and checked out the online divorce.....uncontested it should take 90 days. Selling our house.....god knows how long.

I am scared - but I can not get over what I did - and what really led me to have an A in the first place.

I am left with a heart full of love for my xMM - who I can not be with - and is so devastated by the A and wanting to be with me at the same time..........everything is so screwed up.

xMM and I knew that we should have waited until we were D before starting a relationship -but you cant turn back time.....and we have destroyed our own hearts.

I cant stand this feeling.

I walk around confused and angry - but at who? Me and xMM?

I guess the difference in my posts from the others is:

My xMM and I want to have a normal relationship once we are not married...if possible, and if we can get past the fact that all our friends will be angry - but he is also worried about his W state of mind (she was my friend)and she is not doing well......he does not want his concience to be apart of her destructive behavior.(heavy drinking, depression, and I have heard her scream that she wants to die - it was very frighting)...it scares him and....he is a caring person. He has tried to get her to agree to a D for almost 8 months - but she says she will take him to court because now she wants to be with him and he should forget all she did to him for the past 2 years.

Ending the A is the right thing - but it hurts like nothing I have ever felt.

And my future with xMM - nothing is certain.

the A has confirmed that I have to get a D because my M was bad.

I am not afraid to be alone - its my heart - it lies elsewhere

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: annakarena
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 6:08pm

My unasked for advice to address each item of your post:


1."I am sick of the phone calls"


NRE: Stop answering the phone after ONE last time when you tell him to STOP CALLING ANYMORE.


2."Sick of hearing how he wants to be with me but cant"


NRE: Stop listening. See item #1 above. Follow through and you won't hear him anymore.


3."Sick of knowing I was a cheater"


NRE: Forgive yourself. You made an error in judgement to participate in your affair. Accept that you are human and will make mistakes. Read in your Bible (or borrow one) 1st John 1:7-10. Do it and believe it.


4."Sick of hearing he misses me"


NRE: Stop listening. See items 1 + 2 aboive.


5."Tired of feeling lost and scared"


NRE: Pray for God's help. He listens. And then call your best friend in the whole world and tell him/her that you are feeling lost and scared and can't go into details at the moment, however, you want their support during a tough time for you. A true friend can listen and just be there for you if that's what it takes. Without prying questions.


6."Sick of loving someone who says they care so much but wont take care of themselves"


NRE: Not your problem. THat "someone" chose to get where