sigh... back to MAS I guess...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
sigh... back to MAS I guess...
30
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 3:55pm

I messed up the 9 weeks NC, we made up Dec. 17th... I was the one who initated the NC and for 9 weeks I was incredibly miserable, as some of you know... I just was not ready for us to be done and neither was he... We discovered the NC was due to a mis-understanding - typical text taken wrong kinda thing... he was very hurt and told me I left him during a very stressful time of his life and I should have been more understanding when he had to break a "date"...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 5:13pm

This post is full of so many delusions I don't know where to start.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 5:23pm

I'm sorry you can't see what you are doing to yourself. I hope that it doesn't end up causing you even deeper heartache in the long run.

We will be here for you when you come to your senses again. Remember the saying......No Pain, No Gain. Ending an A is difficult, but a better life can not be created until you first end the destructive pattens operating in the life you are living now.

Take care,

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 5:25pm
well, I was hoping this post would just disappear of the first page...and into the depths, which there was a way to just trash it completely. But since you answered it Hearts I will chime in, for one second, cause sadly that is all its worth.

DD....You did not heal in that 9 weeks, cause you did not want to! You never pulled your head out of the crap smelling 'relationship' you think you have. I don't think you bothered to learn a thing here....if you had you would know how completely disrespectful it was to come here and spew this BS, talking about great sex and what not. there are people who are struggling to but those very memories and addictions behind them and attempt to live better and honest lives...and you may have just set them back. NO your logic makes no sense at all. Fact is You are both MARRIED, and therefore should only be having sex with their spouse! And if not....then leave them to be together. You honestly think living in a decipetful lie filled world is a good role model for your children.

Ugh...like Heart said...I guess I don't really know where to start....and probably shouldn't have! I sadly will not wish you the best....I just can't do that, not after this show of disrespect. And believe me....that is hard for me as I am a spreader of positivity!

Screw it...On to more important things!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 5:35pm

Devious,

The only person you have disappointed is yourself. Do you think none of us felt the torture of ending? That none of us felt like we were dying inside while going through the withdrawal? Second guessing? Do you think none of us wanted back those "feel goods" that the A gave us??

You will get not one single arguement from anyone here that ending the A is tough, gut-wrenching work. But the men and women here who've done it did so because they finally realized the alternative (living a lie) was killing them in a worse way inside. You say you didn't "heal" in 9 weeks. What does "heal" mean to you? That you forget all about xAP? That you're suddenly happy and whole again? That you found miraculous romance and passion in your marriage again? Did you try to heal? Did you do the work everyone on this board talks about? Are you seeing a T?

HEALING DOES NOT MEAN "GETTING OVER" XAP. IT MEANS FIXING WHAT IS BROKEN INSIDE OF YOURSELF SO THAT YOU CAN LIVE A FULL AND HONEST LIFE AND BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.

The choice is yours and always will be yours on how you want to live your life. It's apparent none of the scary DDay stories are enough to deter you, but

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 6:18pm

"I AM MISERABLE WHEN I AM WITH HIM AND MISERABLE WHEN WE ARE NOT TOGETHER (BROKEN UP).... SO IF I AM MISERABLE NO MATTER WHAT.... THEN AT LEAST I AM GETTING AWESOME SEX???"

You said it, you're messed up. So if you feel miserable either way, why not lean on the side where your family is ... lean toward your children. Lean toward Reality. Are you a passive observer in your life, a bystander or an active participant. Do you believe in taking control of your choices, taking responsibility, living with integrity, basic human goodness, being a positive role model for your children?

Return to MAS?

... it's like going back to the crack house ... dragging your family in with you.

See it's different here ... we've come to the other side.

We have ALL been where you are ... THAT's THE DIFFERENCE between here and MAS. We HAVE LEARNED HOW TO END the madness, not perfectly, not without pain and suffering ... BUT WE HAVE done it and reclaimed our lives.

WE know about that which we speak. I KNOW how scary A world is ... the roller-coaster, the uncertainty, the compromises, the trying really really hard to want less, need less, be less, all in the hopes that you will be able to manage the unmanageable. I have watched posters over and over again make excuses, justify, minimize their poor treatment, watched as their mental health deteriorates with lives and their chilren's lives on the brink or ruin with ddays on the horizon.

It happened to me. It has happened to many of us here. It will happen to you.

ENDING IS POSSIBLE, DESIRABLE, and the only option ... you don't see that yet, or don't want to ... but you know what ... THEY ALL END. I hope for your sake, you're back here ... sooner than later.

and for all the newbies, please take this posters message as a learning lesson ... SEE HOW EASILY you get yourself feeling all screwed up again?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 7:14pm

Hi devious D,

I am sorry to see you chose to go back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 8:15pm

hi. DEVIOUS.

listen...Im sorry I couldnt read through your message - as it triggered my feelings so badly that I wanted to just stop and say one thing to you:

DONT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT.

You had the GUTS ENOUGH to come over here and tell us. Which is a class act! But (and forgive me because I dont know you)

IM CALLIN BS!!!!

THIS IS A LAST DITCH EFFORT TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!

WHY DO YOU VALUE YOURSELF SO LITTLE THAT YOU WOULD CHOOSE TO DO SOMETHING SO PAINFUL TO YOURSELF THAT YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING THAT YOU KNOW HAS DEAD-END CONSEQUENCES FOR YOU?

Well, Ultimately yes...It's your choice not to value yourself, But Awwww man - I dont want to see ANYONE that miserable.

Love to you as you go :(

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 8:23pm

It's easier to hide behind the lies than look at the reality in the face and see it for what it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 9:51pm

I, too, have to agree with Foggy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 9:45am

DD, I'm so sorry you are still in the fog.

You say that you are both staying in your M's because of your children, and that is commendable, however given that you both love your children so much do you truly understand how this will affect them once they find out? It is inevitable that they will, you cannot hide the A forever.

Your children will lose respect for you, they will forever define you through this behaviour. It will even influence the way they view relationships when they are adults themselves.

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