Silence is STRENGTH
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Silence is STRENGTH
| Sun, 06-13-2010 - 8:42am |
So I woke up this morning, grabbed the iced tea and sat outside. H and DS were still asleep so it was just me, 2 wonderful dogs and the birds. After I thought about what the plans would be for the day, I started thinking about my A recovery process.
Now I must make note of some key differences just within the last 6 months. Previously, my thought process would have been slightly different. I would have began the day with thoughts of XMM and THEN thought about what my day would hold. I would have also thought about XMM constantly throughout the entire day, would he email me, text me?? Can the day go by quicker so Monday can get here

Thank you for sharing that. I really, really needed to read this right now.
I have been NC for almost 2 1/2 weeks now. It was pretty easy up until a few days ago. This morning I woke up thinking about him. Wondering how he was doing. Wondering if he hates me for doing what I did when I initiated NC. I know it doesn't matter what he thinks, but I still ponder it.
When you say silence is strength, it really is so true. That is one of the reasons I know I will not give into emailing him when I think I want to. I told him, "please do not contact me. I will not contact you". If I gave into that and did email him, I am showing my weakness. I also know that I am strong enough to carry on with my life without him. Silence is strength is true on so many levels.
Your words have really struck a chord with me this morning. I have put my tears away and can go start my day!
gmlb,
perhaps you ought to spend a little more time with yourself--alone. clearly your thoughts flourish and you find that the wise woman inside of you has the ability to sort things out and find the answers. and all without caffeine. ;)
healing from an A is hard under any circumstance, i am sure, but our culture, which keeps us busy and engaged from sunup to sundown probably makes it even harder. reflection and clarity can only come when we have the time to sit in silence with ourselves. the wisdom is there in all of us.
yes, silence is strength, but it is more than that, too. silence is power. NC is sometimes hard, but it feels right and it keeps me intact. when i was in my A, i rose to the bait every time xap called, emailed or texted. like a pavlovian dog. i conditioned myself to respond. i splattered myself and my feelings into a million pieces at xap's feet daily and allowed him to pick through all the pieces, keeping whatever he wanted, whatever fed his ego, and discarding the rest. i let him define me.
now, my mindful conduct defines me. i am gathering all those pieces back to myself and honoring myself in a way that xap could never honor me. i see my strength in silence as a ball of power--power that i had formerly lobbed over the net daily for xap to do with as he wished. it is different now. i have taken it back.
my screensaver is a pop-art picture of a woman catching a ball. i added the words "My ball...My court". those words come to me many times throughout the day, and they help me to remember where my power lies. the ball STAYS in my court.
oh, and i love your bridge analogy.
lillie
Lillie,
I love the "My ball, my court" saying! I'm going to pilfer that one from you, if you don't mind. Just love it!
GMLB,
You are an incredible woman. It's so awesome when the lightbulb goes off, isn't it? The NC=No New Hurts finally dawned on me a couple weeks back, along with the notion that you cannot be friends. Yes, as much as I initially resisted those two concepts, I get them
GMLB- Yes Yes yes! Good for you girl. Each day we remain in NC, we gain more and more strength... I count the days of NC and love watching that number go up... 137
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
<<< I think maybe we needed somehow to have this new way of looking at our lives. It reminds me of A christmas Carol..the ghost of xmas past, present, and future! didn't we sort of get a taste -- a look -- at what things could be like and it scared the crap out of us? yes! >>>
Whoa, this is a great way to look at the affair mess. I love it!
I thank my lucky stars I did look in the future and it wasn't very
inviting. My "present" life, minus xAP was way better than any future life with xAP. I'm sure xAP will always be a ghost in my
life, hopefully not haunting me though.