single and ending it, how do we cope ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
single and ending it, how do we cope ???
9
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 10:56pm

hi all,

i know there are some single people in this board who are in the process of ending thier affairs or trying to end it

just wanna know how u gals/guys cope with it being single , i think our dynamics is a bit different that those who are married

im realy having a hard time dealing with OW ending our relatiosnhip/affair and i would like to move on and help myself and help others too in this board if possible, i have the hardest time during the nite when i get home, i live by myself, i talk to the TV or myself most of the time and post a lot to this board

any insights so we can create a database of sort for the singles on this board

thanks again,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 1:39am
Max,
I have read alot of your post an I feel for you hun, I am single too, an just ended mutually my A with MM. It stings an it hurts and I fight everyday. For alot of reasons but I keep telling myself in the long run it was the best. I cant offer much else help I usually just lurk here mostly sometimes compelled to post but not much,I have thromw myself into work and my kiddo..Keeps me busy an I dont have to think about being alone and Id rather be that then miserable so ..For what it worth women get told all the time we deserve an man who wants to spoil us, an only us not one who takes what he can an we get some one else left overs.. well same holds true men max they deserve a woman who wants to make him a part of the center of her universe not some ones elses left overs..One day all of us single people will meet someone who wants to be with just us.. an can build on that.. Be strong hun.. KRM
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 2:17am

It takes a lot longer for you and me to get over an affair that was ended by our ex-AP's
They had time to figure out that they were "done", unbeknownst to us. To us...it was a total shock. And being single makes it that much harder....we are alone. It seems as though they have lost nothing...and we have lost everything.
All that you can do is try to think about you....and accept that you will not be with this woman...and it's probably better that you're not. Some day you will realize that. I may be almost there....I am at the anger stage...and almost at the indifference stage. Soon you will see the reality and learn to let go of what was not meant to be.

Go through the motions for a while...and then be you again...you can do it.

Good luck...Crissy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 5:28am

how do we cope? beats the hell outta me! :( I'm having a hard time with this and I haven't even seen my exMM for almost a year. For months he kept saying "it's just better this way - for both of us" and while I know he's right - it killed me! Then... he tried to reenter the picture in August... then in January... it's like every time I *think* I'm moving on he comes back around. So far I've been able to say "no" (not as clear cut as that obviously) but... it sure is making my life a living hell wondering when he'll resurface again! :(

I miss him like crazy right now and fortunately I know he has other things keeping him busy cause if he were to come a'knocking today I'm not sure I could resist! But... I'm doing everything I can think of to make sure I don't end up back at square one. I'm even starting counseling again (and to me that is a huge step). It's so weird because it's like I want him to care and love me but because I KNOW it will never be like what I want (he'll NEVER be MINE!) I HAVE to move on. Which sucks! :(

Anyway... I haven't a bit of advice for ya Max - Sorry! :( I thought I was figuring things out till this last time he resurfaced! Now I'm just ALL messed up! I'd have to say using this board as a crutch is a good source of letting go... and yet if you spend too much time dwelling on that situation you aren't really letting it go so... I guess just do what you have to do to get by for now! It's hard enough without worrying about all the logistics.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 10:45am

hi all,

i been reading my posts on this board, i sound pathetic, i been whinning on how much pain i got, its true its painful and its dragging me down, i feel so ashamed and angry and sad

one day ill be able to look back and learn from this, im just having a hard time dealing with this right now

im so sorry

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 12:13pm
I whined for a good 5 weeks on this board....about how I wanted to throw up and I couldn't stop crying over him...and how we were supposed to be together...about how much I loved him...about feeling rejected...blah, blah, blah. That's what this board is for.
You do that for a while and in the process- you give and get insight to/from everyone else here. There's no reason to be sorry. When there's no one else to talk to...it's good to let it all out here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 12:31pm
You're not pathetic at all, I and I think all of us have felt that way. I can't beleive I have let myself get into this mess. and I know you read my response to debbie the other day about his birthday, we have'nt spoken since and I know he went out with friens W included to celebrate his B-day talk about hurting. I'm just allowing my self to greive, to cry even tho I hate crying, and trying to look at all the things I don't like about him and what if he left his W and we spent all this time together and I did'nt love him as much as I thought I did. I know this sounds bad but I'm trying to make my self hate(or dislike him) alot. remembering all the stand ups and not thinking about my feelings at certain times. I'm tired of being alone and I don't want to live the rest of my life this way, there has to be someone else out there for us all single's
Hang in there, you are not alone,
Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 1:38pm

OMG Kat - I can TOTALLY identify with wanting to dislike him... and what's funny is... if our heart wasn't in it - I am sure this wouldn't be as hard... the few people who've road the coaster with me dislike exMM so I know he's not worth liking! LOL

You think his b'day was bad... my exMM just had his 3rd child with his W on Monday! THAT'S A KILLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what's worse... being out and out rejected or being ignored. He's ignoring me now - won't answer my email nothing. Some days I wonder what I ever saw in him... then I remember! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:49pm

so how many of us are singel persons in this board, it the coming long weekend and i am getting anxious again, its almost 2 pm here at work and i can hear her voice again

i cant seem to cope, i cried last nite to sleep again, what a pathetic life i have, i told myself that i can make it better but i cant seem to do anything at all

im at a total loss right now, i have a constant headache, sometime i feel like i should just get some sort of brain whatever and die, im too tired

:(
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:57pm


Hi Max,

What did you do before her? What did you enjoy? Get out and do it.