This site has ruined my affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
This site has ruined my affair
31
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 10:01am

I have been on to MAS and read posts and all i see is impending heartache for those in an affair, including me of course.


I dont want to have people empathise about how it must be hard to get a chance to meet up etc.


I now need to read and hear about how it is possible to end the A. My religious beliefs prevent me from even contemplating divorce, and that is even assuming me and the AP got together which is a big if. And if we did, the guilt would kill that relationship, i know it would. SO THERE IS NO FUTURE TO THE A.


My AP is now on holiday for a week. She will ring when she get a chance. Is it ok to end it now or is that unacceptably cruel, given she will be suffering whilst with her H and children?


Shall i wait until she is back and in the meantime keep communication to a minimum?


Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 6:12am

Hi RP and welcome


I have seen some of your threads but thru the weekend i dont get much chance to read, reflect

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 9:39am
I can't make too much of a list of how she has hurt me. It's only been quite recently that she has and I think that is because my feelings about it have changed. I no longer just think it's harmless fun, and this site confirms that for me.
Feel in limbo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 10:45am

RP,


You're in limbo - I can sense it. It is my opinion that you are in fact reluctant and resistant to looking at the affair and it's harmful behaviours. Look at what you have shared with us - and it is only the tip of the iceburg:


"My AP is away for a week with her family. She texts me when she feels like it."


"waiting for her to text me ( she only does so when her H is safely away as he has become suspicious)"


"do you know that my AP has ofgten told me to leave my marriage not to be with her, as she thinks hers is all fine, but so i can 'free' myself to find another woman who loves me.


She says that she loves me and that is why she wants me to do this. Is it me, or is that just arrogant BS?!


She's happy to give advice which deprives my boys of a father while she stays with her kids!"


Last week when we spoke she sensed i was wavering and she told

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 11:46am

Thank you. I do want out. I need to look at my own s***.
Where do I get the strength?

It's bad enough going a day without hearing. How will a week feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 12:02pm

Rob -

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

You'll get strength from reading here, from reflecting, from keeping busy. From within YOURSELF by knowing that you are doing the right thing.

Don't worry about how you will feel in a week. Live only in the present moment. :)

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 12:29pm

Where do I get the strength?


Here...try this.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:30pm
Yes, I can envisage that. I can envisage all sorts of nightmares. I have written some out to myself as a warning. I need carrot and stick.
I know that it can get worse. I need to hear that A's never get better, only worse.
But I also need to hear that after the pain of ending, there is healing, there is some peace.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:51pm

But I also need to hear that after the pain of ending, there is healing, there is some peace.......


Good grief, man.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 4:28pm

RP,

I echo this statement LOUDLY:

"You are pussyfooting around, and we shouldn't have to continually have to talk you out of your affair. Time to pull up your big boy briefs and do what is right. Are you reading here? Even posts that are not directed to you? Because if you are, you are reading of healing and peace from posters who have found their way to the other side."

Clarity has worked you hard RP, and you would be wise to take in each and every word of the posts directed at you ... and then read the success stories in the healing library.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 5:04pm

Rob,


<>


Did you read the thread called,"A place for Success

   ~Iddy~