Slipped up...but tried to correct it

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Slipped up...but tried to correct it
3
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 12:12am

I slipped up today in an email to xOM about a work matter...a story about a couple that got engaged and it had some unusual similarities to a situation xOM and I had been in. I aid something I shouldn't have...that even if he and I are never to be together, my memories of him are sweet. After sending it, I felt mortified. My God, what was I thinking? He didn't respond, and I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or even more embarrassed.

So tonight I sat down and wrote to him and said specifically that I did not mean to say anything inappropriate and that I was embarrassed to think he might think I intended anything underhanded and to please not read anything into it. I sent it and THEN proofread...big mistake. I had included this phrase..."doesn't mean I will ever give up hope, but I do not mean anything inappropriate." I didn't realize I wrote that!!! I was thinking it, I guess...as much as I hate to admit it. But now it sounds like I won't give up hope for him, when I was thinking in more general terms...hope for me. Not for him and me. What was that thread about multiple personalities?!! I cannot believe I have done this.

I am feeling so very, very embarassed. DO NOT GIVE INTO YOUR IMPULSES. I am paying the price at this moment.

Trying to shake it off, go to bed and go on with my normal life tomorrow. But now I feel I've handed the power back over to him, and now I have to start at square one. Now it will be awkward all over again, and I'll feel like crap. AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!! I need serious help! How could I do this to myself, my husband, my child? So humiliating! I have never acted this way in my life before now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 1:02am

Girl

I don't think you have handed anything back to XMM, you flubbed up just don't let it go any farther, take a page out of XMMs book and do not respond to anything he may say or infer about the e-mails, PLAY DUMB.

You are in control, no one can force you into a relationship you choose not to be part of, The power is yours and always was and will be.

Forget it and move on.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 10:39am
I guess I just feel embarrassed more than anything. Really embarrassed, because "there ain't no going back" for me unless my marriage just could not be healed and we divorced, and that can have nothing to do with anyone or anything other than my husband, our daughter and me. I guess I'm still wallowing in shame this morning and wish I could take back both emails. Worse, he will be at my church tomorrow. I will have to speak to him or people will think it's odd. Maybe I'll be "busy" doing other things before and after the service and just won't get a chance to say hello...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 11:17am

Hi,
I have been in therapy for the past few weeks over my situation. The one thing she tells me over and over again is you CAN"T change the past. What is done is done. You can only move on from there. Don't be so hard on yourself. The situation that we are in is not easy or painless. Don't read so into what you wrote.

Take care and good luck!