Slippery Slope vs. Divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
Slippery Slope vs. Divorce
8
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 9:44pm

49.5 hours of no contact - this has never happened before in our 10 month A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 9:56pm
Please dont do it....pretty please my sick as hell strep throat is getting worse ass is begging you I'M BEGGING just cuz I'm whispering doesnt mean I'm not begging it just hurts to yell.... I myself have been fighting hard I mean hard all day not to say hi or I miss u it's just a few words right WRONG it will hurt worse that's what they tell me so I'm hanging here by a thread hang with me please?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 10:01pm

Non honey, We all need someone to talk to, someone who really cares about our day, someone who shares our interests, and someone who is there for us when we need them. But we shouldn't have to lie and betray our families and demean ourselves and sneak around behind other people's backs in order to have that. That's not real love and it's not real friendship either.

I don't know whether you and your H can heal your M. That is something that only the two of you can figure out. But before you make any decisions about your M, first you need to heal from the pain of this A.

Have you heard about Secret Life of Jane's 48 hour rule? Stay strong for just 48 hours more before you

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 10:15pm
Does your know or suspect your now ended affair?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 10:42pm

Dear NON,

I understand how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 12:40am

Thanks everyone for reaching out. Did not send the text and won't tonight. 48 hours is too unimaginable right now. Have to take this one hour at a time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 6:29am
NON,
I'm proud of you for not giving in to this desire to text - and yes, it IS an issue of validation. It is so important to recognize that there is a HUGE lack of the ego strokes (applause, attention, approval, value) in your marriage - and YOUR emotional/ego tanks are low. Whenever our tanks go low, and we have no one to help fill them, and no skills to fill them ourselves, this melancholy, reminiscing occurs - Are you considering IC? I found myself in a very similar situation at the end of my A - realizing that the gap between xH and I was more like the grand canyon and unfortunate for me - he had no desire to change things. I am sad for that, but I know now that divorce was the right option. xH and I are good friends, but until he chooses to address some things for himself personally - there is no hope of reconciliation. I pray that your H realizes that old spark that was between the two of you - his agreeing to attend MC, albeit begrudgingly, shows that at least he has some recognition that there ARE issues. Acknowledge this step with him - it shows HIM that there is hope in you two working out the issues.

Glad to have you here - much love,
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 3:55pm

NON,

I just read your earlier post when you had just had your ending.

This is something a friend of mine, who is wiser and older than I, told me a couple of weeks ago (I am 10 days NC).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 6:21pm

Hi NON

Are you my sister in a former life?

You described my situation pre A to a tee... like the golf pun?

1. You were/are very lonely in your M, you became more and more independant with external stimuli thru sport, DS etc they were distractions and escapes,, your lifelines to eep your sanity,

2. xAP answered that need with validation and ego strokes and you welcomed the attention, affection and intimacy, a breath of fresh air (if only we had a crystal ball)

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,